In the last day or so, k-ent has exploded with the sobering and disturbing news that Kim Hyun Joong is being investigated for alleged assault and battery on his (also alleged) girlfriend.
I wasn’t planning to post on this, since I generally don’t report on k-ent news, but the flood of netizen reactions across the blogosphere has been intensifying, and it’s hard to ignore the wave of intense emotion that has been building among fans and non-fans alike.
My purpose in writing this post today, is simply this: to hopefully add a voice of reason to the clamor of voices already out there in the netizen wilderness.
THE FACTS
First of all, here’s a quick run-down of the facts:
- A young lady referred to as “A” by the media, has filed a police report against Kim Hyun Joong, her alleged boyfriend, for assault and battery, specifically for 2 instances in May and July of 2014.
- “A” has submitted her testimony, and has submitted documents to prove her relationship with Kim Hyun Joong. She has also submitted medical reports documenting her injuries, which include bruising to her face, chest, arm, and butt (specifically related to the alleged May incident), as well as a fractured rib (specifically related to the alleged July incident).
- The alleged incident in May reportedly required 2 weeks for recovery, and the alleged incident in July, 6 weeks.
- The alleged catalyst for both incidents were “women troubles.”
- Kim Hyun Joong has not yet given his statement to police, and is currently in Thailand for a scheduled performance.
- Kim Hyun Joong’s agency Keyeast has not yet made an official statement.
Articles available here, here and here.
THE CAMPS
In response to these facts that have been reported, netizens have been divided into 3 main camps. Again, here’s a quick run-down of each camp’s stand.
Camp 1: “What a monster, he deserves to burn in hell.”
A lot of netizens have been quick to jump to the conclusion that if “A” is able to supply documents and medical reports to the police, then Kim Hyun Joong is as good as guilty.
Most netizens from this camp are talking about the allegations as fact.
There are also a good number of netizens in Camp 1 who preface their statements with the phrase “I hope it’s not true, but if it’s true..”
Um. That helps to take a bit of the edge off, sure, but the main message is still essentially the same. “If it’s true, what a monster, he deserves to burn in hell.”
Camp 2: “Impossible!”
Camp 2 is made up of loyal fans who appear to be suffering from some form of delusion. Reactions range from: “Oppa would never do that,” to “Oppa didn’t mean it,” to the worst type of the lot, “I wouldn’t mind being hit by Oppa, he’s so hawt.”
Many in this camp are speaking of “A” as a gold digger who has fabricated evidence in order to frame Kim Hyun Joong.
A similar preface that I mentioned used by Camp 1, is also used by Camp 2; “I hope it’s not true, but honestly.. Oppa would never do that.”
Camp 3: “Let’s wait and see. He’s innocent until proven guilty.”
Camp 3 is the more balanced camp, and netizens who fall into this group have been making efforts to reason with other netizens that Kim Hyun Joong is innocent until proven guilty, and all the bashing of alleged perpetrator &/or alleged victim is uncalled for.
Given the emotional outbursts from Camps 1 & 2 that netizens from Camp 3 are dealing with, the voices from Camp 3 have been coming across as relatively muted in comparison.
Not that I prefer Camp 3 to start raising their virtual voices and start ranting at others. Not at all.
I simply want to add my voice to Camp 3’s efforts, in the hopes of offering perspective to at least some of the netizens who have interest in the case.
WHAT ABOUT ME?
Let the record state that I’m not a Kim Hyun Joong fangirl, and neither am I an anti-fan.
I once entertained a mild crush on him in his Boys Over Flowers days, which quickly fizzled out as I moved on to other dramas and other k-crushes. Relatively recently, I found him rather amusing on Barefoot Friends.
Although I found him likable on Barefoot Friends, I would say that I generally feel quite neutral towards him. I don’t love him, neither do I hate him. Which definitely helps me to stay as objective as possible in the context of today’s post.
MY TAKE ON THE WHOLE THING
To Camp 1, I say:
While the evidence reported thus far may appear damning, Kim Hyun Joong is still innocent until proven guilty.
Let the investigation run its course, and let Kim Hyun Joong have a chance to tell his side of the story. It doesn’t matter how low you think the chances are, he could possibly be innocent. And as long as the possibility is there and the case verdict hasn’t been pronounced, we shouldn’t assume his guilt.
To Camp 2, I say:
I understand that you love Oppa, and want to support him.
Supporting Oppa doesn’t mean being in denial about his crimes (if he did commit them). That wouldn’t be helping him in the long run.
It’s also extremely twisted to say that you wouldn’t mind being beaten by Oppa. Please don’t say things like that. Your body deserves the best love and respect that you can give it.
If Kim Hyun Joong is guilty, he needs to face the consequences of his actions. If he needs to serve jail time, so be it. Justice should be served, and served well.
At the same time, if the allegations are true, then Kim Hyun Joong clearly has problems. Whether it’s anger management issues, or substance abuse issues (some speculate steroid abuse), or both, for that matter, he needs effective intervention in order to overcome his issues and have a better quality of life.
If you want to support Oppa, then support him through that process. Hope for the best, and prepare for the worst.
After all, Oppa is only human.
My Bottom Line:
My general approach to life is to hate the sin but not the sinner, and that everyone deserves a chance to start afresh.
The bottom line, to me, is that if Kim Hyun Joong is innocent, let it be brought to light, so that he can clear his name.
At the same time, if he’s guilty, let it also be brought to light. Then let him pay for the crime, as well as have a chance to tackle his root issues, in order to become a better person in the process.
Let the truth come to light, no cover-ups.
BUT, WHAT IF..??
Ok, but what if the case closes inconclusively, like the Park Shi Hoo case?
I can only say, we do live in an imperfect world, and it’s true that there’s a possibility that things might happen that way. Importantly though, it hasn’t happened yet. So let’s hope towards an outcome where justice is fully and fairly served.
Still, for the sake of argument, let’s say that it does turn out that way.
Even if Kim Hyun Joong is guilty and manages to make the allegations go away with some kind of out-of-court settlement, the taint on his reputation, and the setback this incident is undoubtedly going to inflict on his career, plus his niggling guilty conscience, will in themselves be a form of punishment. Y’know, things have a way of coming back to haunt you, especially if you’re nursing a guilty conscience.
On the other hand, if Kim Hyun Joong isn’t guilty, yet has to deal with the same taint on his reputation and the accompanying setback to his career, shouldn’t we refrain from making it even harder for him?
So let’s all take the measured wait-and-see approach, and stop bashing him, Miss “A,” and one another, ok?
August 23, 2014 at 10:39 pm
Wonderfully stated and reasonable post. I am in camp 3. I had said that ‘What if…?” in comment on a previous post. But I related it in the context of his fame and reputation. We know how unforgiving the fan/world/netizens can be, and even the Korean society as a whole at times. If allegations are proved false, this is definitely still a dark spot on his record.
The ‘burn in hell’ camp is overly harsh. Punishment should always fit the crime. People use the same phrase on Bin Laden and Hitler. So…really? Allegations, proof or not, we do not know this woman ‘A’ or HER personality and temperament. As the dramas of this year have shown, when tempers flare in a relationship, the chairs hit the fan…and the stereo, fish tank…it’s ugly.
And I like that you brought out how he’s only human. Celebrities have personal lives and issues they need to tackle, perhaps even more so because of their fame and the scrutiny it brings. The tragedy of Robin Williams, who really knew? That was a shock to the heart. The countless meltdowns we see in Hollywood on a near daily basis. People unraveling before your eyes because of the constant stream of media intrusion. Money and fame cannot solve affairs of the heart/mind. I recall a Gong Yoo interview that I loved, (and I really don’t watch interviews much at all) and even he admitted to having temper issues in his twenties. His life would surely be different had he turned that rage on a person rather than the wall.
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August 26, 2014 at 11:02 pm
That’s a great point, Lady G.. We don’t know what “A” is like, and therefore how the argument went down. New evidence and statements seem to indicate that Kim Hyun Joong did cause her injury in the course of their interactions (I’m trying to find a way to put it neutrally, it’s hard!). Still, I would rather it came out now and he got help now, rather than at some later point in time when much more damage could’ve been done.
I agree with your point exactly. Robin Williams’ suicide was such a shock, especially given his cheery public image. We absolutely do not know what’s really going on for celebs on the inside, and what pressures they face. I don’t claim to know what KHJ’s issues are, but he clearly has some, and it’s better that he deals with that now, so that he can get a fresh start sooner than later.
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August 23, 2014 at 11:03 pm
I’m in Camp 3 as well. Even though, I am not a fan of his by any means, if it happened to be someone I adore, I would feel the same way. I want to wait to hear the true story but the amount of reactions from camp 1 and 2 have really blown my mind.
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August 26, 2014 at 11:05 pm
It’s true that the sheer magnitude of the emotional outbursts from Camps 1 & 2 is mind-blowingly huge, isn’t it? I guess what disturbs me as well, is how people are lashing out at one another. The emotional investment by fans, and the raw nerve that the topic of assault touches for the non-fans, is just an explosive combination. I just hope that everyone can calm down a little and get some perspective, and let the investigators do their job so that a just verdict can be meted out.
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August 23, 2014 at 11:14 pm
Damn, i’m in camp 4. If he is guilty of the charges, that doesn’t make him a monster. Abusive behavior is cruel but it’s also often the result of personal –sometimes childhood– issues. KHJ has discussed his home life somewhat and said that as a child he ran away from home. So if he is guilty of the charges, I will be very upset about it and I will hope he will get therapy and some resolution or recompense can be made to his girlfriend. She seems to describe a cycle of abuse..and her description sounds very familiar to those of us who understand this cycle. I am, however, hoping the charges are all untrue.
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August 24, 2014 at 1:31 am
Well said, Carole! I’m on board with you. And I also believe (knowing how spacey he can get from watching Barefoot Friends) that he might have been provoked by her. I hate to say this but some women couldn’t stop nagging and it’s a nuisance for men and the only way to stop is by raising their hands. I’ve seen this happening before and it’s logical that he did it. But this is my spec and I hope he learn his lesson.
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August 24, 2014 at 5:09 am
Missienelly, I must strongly disagree with your statement “some women couldn’t stop nagging and it’s a nuisance for men and the only way to stop is by raising their hands.” On the contrary, there are many other ways to deal with nuisances in life, and lashing out with violence is never an acceptable choice for men or women. When we blame victims for the violence perpetrated upon them, we help support the culture of violence and male entitlement that makes these types of incidents all too common. Instead, I hope we can begin to clearly teach our children that violence is never an acceptable reaction to an argument or annoyance.
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August 25, 2014 at 7:35 pm
@bergenia – you don’t know what you’re talking about. i’ve never, nor will i ever, hit or in any other way physically (or mentally) abuse any woman … but i was already twice forced to push aside two (from other points of view totally different) women only to be able to open the door to get away from their unrelenting psyhical abuse (that’s what nagging actually is). in real life there’s rarely “we agree to not agree” with women … followed by silence on her side. that happend when i was young and learning “to escape early” (because later i might not be able) … so people who didn’t learn this lesson (which nobody teaches us) are prone to make mistakes. of course, it’s easy to assume the only victim is the (hit) woman (it’s visible) … but that’s similar to saying “a punch in the stomac or a slap in the face is worse than brainwashing or any kind of psyhical abuse”, wich simply is not true! for example: i have a very good female friend, good looking, very smart (with 3 phd-s), way more succesfull than me (aside from private life) … yet, even with professional councelling, she can’t escape the thought that she’s “not good enough” (because even though her parents never hit her, they always told and still tell her that). there are many types of violence … and only god/gods is/are perfect (probably because he/they is/are invulnerable).
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August 26, 2014 at 11:54 pm
Thanks for your sharing INTJ, your perspective as a man does indeed add richness to our understanding. And you bring up a good point, that abuse isn’t only of the physical sort, and that mental or emotional abuse can be just as damaging.
At the same time, I do appreciate bergenia’s point, that any form of violence should never be accepted as an answer/solution. Perhaps what we should do is extend that definition of violence to include the mental and emotional forms of abuse. Coz I think we all agree that none of these are a good answer, no matter the situation. 🙂
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August 27, 2014 at 9:51 am
well, one of those two women was my beloved wife and, as young/inexperienced people do, we started arguing over some insignificant thing … each of us firmly convinced to be right. i remember that at one point i started begging her “please, get away from the door, let me get out” and she continued nagging (aka the female ace card), kinda blaming me for something i didn’t feel i was to blame. then i kinda lost it and after pushing her aside (aka using force, the male ace card), i finally was outside away from her nagging. calming down i realised how close i had been to exploding into mindless violence as my last resort … and, since i really love her, i started to cry … because that’s not what i wanted for her! that was not why i wanted to spend my life with her! anyway, a few hours later we sat down, talked it out and since then we’ve never got any troubles (or even small fights, ever again). the basical conclusion was actually very simple (and logical): because i love her, i won’t ever even raise my voice against her … and because she loves me, she’ll always remember to use other means (not nagging) to convince me. it’s in our best interest to talk issues out. so i never corner her, she never corners me … instead we’re a team fighting from our own corner against all that life throws at us.
ps: funny thing is, even today, after so many years, we both still think we were right at that time … and whenever we remember what happened, we make fun of each other and end up laughing about how foolish we were. 😀
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September 1, 2014 at 9:33 pm
Aw. I’m so glad that you and your wife overcame the perils of that incident, where things could have gone so wrong, and instead, came away with a relationship foundation that has proved to be very right. 🙂 I also like how you guys can now laugh about it. It affirms one of my beliefs, that a sense of humor is also very important to sustaining a healthy and happy relationship 🙂
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August 26, 2014 at 11:18 pm
An excellent point, bergenia, and very firmly yet politely stated too! We need more netizens like you in dramaland 🙂 I agree wholeheartedly that violence isn’t ever an acceptable course of action, and you bring up a profound point, about the lessons that we inadvertently teach our children, whether by word, deed or acceptance.
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August 26, 2014 at 11:16 pm
Aw my dear Nelly. I know how upset you are by all of this. I do have to agree with bergenia that violence shouldn’t be condoned as an answer. I do agree that some women can say or do things that provoke the man to anger. However, it still doesn’t mean that violence is an acceptable solution. It’s a solution that happens coz people reach for it, and that violence does indeed “shut up” the other party, but it’s also an unhealthy, destructive course of action that shouldn’t be accepted.
I do agree with you that I hope KHJ will learn from this incident, and I hope that he’ll get the help that he needs in order to overcome any personal issues, in order to move on.
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August 26, 2014 at 11:09 pm
Hi Carole, I don’t deny that KHJ may have childhood issues that could be part of the root cause of his behavior (I’m speaking of the behavior as fact now, since new evidence has since been released and Keyeast has confirmed that he did in fact injure Miss “A” in some way). My stand is still the same; if KHJ did hurt her, then he should pay the consequences for the act. And he should get help for his issues, whatever they may be. Whether it’s childhood issues, anger issues, substance abuse issues, we don’t know. But he certainly has issues that need to be dealt with, so that he can start over and have a better quality of life. I’m not for condemning anyone, but rather, I’d like for everyone involved to be treated fairly & justly, and for both parties to get the help they need.
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August 24, 2014 at 12:18 am
A perfectly written post. I have been reading some reactions and feel like this is shades of PSH all over again. I find myself wanting to reach through my ipad and grab the camp #2 posters that say things like “I wouldn’t mind getting beaten up by Oppa.” and ask them how they could write someting so insenstive to all the victims of abuse out there, how they could think so little of themsleves and how they could even joke that a person they have never met they would allow to violate them in such a horrible way. My heart breaks every time I read on of those posts. As a firm member of camp #3 I appreciate bloggers like yourself taking the time to put out the facts and to ask for reasonableness from your readers.
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August 26, 2014 at 11:12 pm
Aw, thanks Amy! I’m heartened by readers like you who try to help other netizens gain perspective as well. This really does kind of remind me of the PSH case, in the sense that netizens were widely divided into camps too, and were lashing out at one another in no small way. In this case, though, I hope that the case manages to close on a more concrete note, so that justice can be served, and both parties can get the help they need.
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August 24, 2014 at 7:12 am
What a thoughtful post! I’m not a fan and though “innocent until proven guilty” is an American clause that not all ascribe, or should for that matter, I do believe the benefit of doubt is paramount in every instance of life, no matter how things appear.
Regardless, it’s going to be a trying time for those that he loves, loves him, the girl in question and those that surround and love her as well.
Our prayers should be with them all.
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August 26, 2014 at 11:21 pm
Thanks unnichan, I’m glad you appreciate the sentiment behind the post. Indeed, benefit of the doubt is paramount. And in the light of the recent developments, it looks like it’s going to be a hard time for everyone involved. Beyond justice being served well, I’d really like for him and for her to get help, they certainly would need it.
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August 24, 2014 at 1:26 pm
I am reading and reading the posts and and I have not been able to discover: , who is really that lady “A”? Why the press notes did not put her name, why she did not show up? How can all these comments make reference to “documentary evidence” that were not even published or given to public knowledge by any means of communication? KJH has a girlfriend and a regular one? Really! Wow! This is so stranger! How come I never could get this information anywhere never? And look, I lost too much time looking for news showing KJH dating someone! And I have looked a lot… I wanted to know more about KJH and I have never found one single note about him dating anyone, only the ones with him and the actresses promoting the dramas they performed together.
I confess that sometimes I wondered if he was gay, just because of “no girls notices” in his personal life.
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August 26, 2014 at 11:35 pm
Hi there Malu. Miss “A”‘s identity is being closely guarded, so I’m not surprised that you are unable to find out who she is. As for KHJ’s dating news, I’m also not quite surprised that you couldn’t find any. Many k-celebs guard their dating lives and keep it private, although more celebs are now dating publicly.
In terms of why documentary evidence is not published, there is actually no obligation for the media or the investigation to publish any of these details. KHJ is to be tried in a court of law, not the court of public opinion, after all. The evidence should be submitted in court, and any evidence that does get published is more incidental than anything else. What I’m trying to say is, they don’t owe it to us to publish any evidence. However, since you are interested in more evidence, you may want to check out this post.
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August 25, 2014 at 4:05 am
I’m not one of his fan but I’m neither one of his anti-fan (well I think he has no expression when he plays but hat’s all^^). I was in Camp 3 just like you! 🙂 But here comes the end of the story. KHJ hasn’t denied the fact while the girl seemed to have exaggerate her statement. These are the facts. But I’m kind of sceptical about the “she broke her ribs while they were fooling around”. How exactly did they fool around to break her ribs? O_O I have to admit that his statement didn’t convince me of his innocence. Plus he admited that they indeed fought. Even if it was only one time like he says, that’s still serious! and he doesn’t seem to think so. I think that’s the worst part. Voilà here my thought^^
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August 29, 2014 at 7:51 am
I am in class 3 but I feel the need to answer your question regarding the rib breaking while “fooling” around. I have had a rib broke while “fooling” around. My bf & I like sports. We was doing the leg wrestle thing which lead to more wrestling with me trying to pin him. He did a wrestling maneuver that sort of flipped and pinned me. After we were done laughing and showering I noticed my side hurt. Talk about feeling like an idiot explaining to the doctor we were wrestling! I had to swear it was not intentional which made him feel worse. Ribs are easily cracked/broken and we also found out I had a vitamin D3 deficiency. So things can happen by accident.
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August 30, 2014 at 2:21 am
Wow really?! Ouch for you and thanks for this enlightenment! 😀 It makes his argument a bit more “believable” even though I remain unsatisfied and not convinced by it^^
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September 1, 2014 at 10:30 pm
Thanks for sharing, Sarah! That’s important perspective and insight, coz most people are dismissing the possibility that the rib was fractured accidentally while they were fooling around. Your experience teaches us that it’s entirely possible, so we shouldn’t be too quick to judge. I hope your rib healed up nicely, btw! 🙂
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August 25, 2014 at 4:11 am
I’m still waiting the result of the police investigation though. Don’t want to jump to any conclusion. My point was just that he didn’t convince me that’s all (to be really clear^^)
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August 26, 2014 at 11:45 pm
Yes, totally agree with you that we should wait for the result of the investigation.. I also agree that Keyeast’s first statement doesn’t sound extremely convincing. The latest news of Dispatch revealing evidence (see here) seems to indicate that there was injury caused to “A” and that KHJ was involved. That’s as neutral as I can put it. Still, I hesitate to pronounce a judgment over him, and wait for the official verdict from the court. He should pay for whatever crime he did commit, and shouldn’t be punished for any crimes of which he’s innocent. And he should definitely get help for whatever issues he has.
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August 25, 2014 at 3:17 pm
Okay..the truth i am a fan of Kim Hyun Joong😉..and the ugly truth?..this thing happened and the worst it looks like that he is guilty of doing so as the released statement from Key East did confirm some details. Though i am still curious on his counter statement but my mind doesn’t free him to think that he did wrong his girlfriend. I’ll go with you on the thought of hating the sin but not thr sinner…KHJ could have been provoke that hard and lost his sanity at that time that leads to the beating…seriously, i think he needs some professional assistance to correct his anger…as fan of his i am not totally banning him of this incident but honestly there will always be a second thought each time he’ll appear on screen…
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August 25, 2014 at 7:48 pm
it takes two to tango and thus both are to blame for continuing a relationship that surely had previous signs of degenerating into that first incident. from a man’s point of view and while i’m “a westerner”, imho it’s much better to “loose face” (by giving in and later giving up on that relationship) than to live with a guilty conscience (or even that bad memory, if he never understands what he did wrong) …
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August 26, 2014 at 11:49 pm
It does seem with the latest information released, that KHJ did injure his girlfriend. However, I do think it’s wiser to wait for the courts to determine if the evidence is indeed true, and if so, then yes, KHJ does need professional help to overcome whatever issues he may have. It will definitely affect how we see his works, but y’know, if I know that he’s truly working to overcome his issues, I think I would still be able to watch Playful Kiss and enjoy it.
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August 26, 2014 at 7:39 pm
.. while it is true that it takes two to tango but that doesn’t give Kim Hyun Joong any right to beat his girlfriend that hard…the girl must be trying to keep the relationship and doesn’t want Kim Hyun Joong to leave her…Kim Hyun Joong is in serious trouble! why do they fight?…it says that the women issue has been raising on their fights..so it’s disheartening me to think that Kim Hyun Joong is not only a beater but also a womanizer?…to a girl who have been beaten badly twice and receive a text messages from Kim Hyun Joong and saying he is sorry and wanted to end a relationship how painful that must be?….i guess both needs a psychological counsel. I hope this incident will give Kim Hyun Joong a lesson and reflect for all the wrongdoings he committed to his girl..^^
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August 27, 2014 at 12:06 am
Aw. I can imagine the negative thoughts that must be troubling you, Evez. Rather than think of KHJ as a bad guy, I prefer to think of him as.. troubled. He probably is a decent person, just that he has problems and doesn’t deal well with them. I think with some professional help he should be able to overcome his issues and have a better quality of life going forward.
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September 1, 2014 at 4:48 am
mmmmh….Is there such a thing as a “decent” person beating up his woman ? Don’t think so, in my humble opinion of course. But you are far from writing the most disturbing statement here. I read some stuff that are quiet worrisome oO
To be fair, I also would like to express how impressed I am by the wisdom shown by some of you. Hate the sin not the sinner ? That’s one thing I will probably never be capable of. The former would not exist without the last, they are tightly interlaced. So sin and sinner, same fight. But it is true that I’ve got a prominent reptilian brain and kfangurl knows about my hormones ruining what could have been functional…
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September 1, 2014 at 11:15 pm
Lol, asotss, you’re always so cute when referring to your hormones..! XD
While it’s true that the sin would not exist without the sinner, I also believe in second chances and fresh starts. If KHJ really did cause injury to his girlfriend by way of assault, then he should definitely face the consequences, ie, pay for the sin. But that doesn’t mean that KHJ should be condemned for the rest of his life. I would rather have him get counseling, therapy, whatever kind of intervention that would help him overcome any issues he may have, so that he can have a chance to start over and be free from anger issues or other issues that make it hard for him to control his actions and therefore have a healthy relationship.
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August 27, 2014 at 9:14 am
i’ll say it again: there’s no justification for violence! maybe i wasn’t clear enough: he’s to blame for what he did, she’s to blame for what she did. him hitting her is inexcusable and i really don’t defend him. all i’m asking is this: has any of you ever felt trapped, seeing no way out … that feeling of helplessness and deep despair? what if KHJ stopped loving her and her “trying to keep the relationship and doesn’t want Kim Hyun Joong to leave her” made him feel exactly that way? is it really that impossible to imagine that she might have blackmailed him (since he’s a celebrity)? is a star/celebrity not human (with all the good and bad parts each of us has)? even if it that’s not what happened, it’s still something worth discussing or pondering about.
we won’t know the truth, but in order to grow and learn from the mistakes others make, i think one has to ask questions (the more, the better) … and this is one of those questions. it’s not an easy question, especially since (like bergenia correctly pointed out) it looks like blaming the victim … and it’s even harder on you (since, as his fan, it might make you feel like you’re subconsciously trying to find excuses for his inacceptable behaviour) … but i always try to see things from both sides, just to make sure i won’t be foolishly repeating the mistakes others made. even if this 100% won’t ever happen to me, trying to put myself in their shoes, i think i’ve learned something. also it’s not about judging (i hope the law will deal with that), it’s about learnig everything one can learn (from what one encounters) … thus, indirectly gaining precious experience … something that made the human species what it is today.
similar to us learnig from this, the two of them should also try to learn their lessons from what happened … and for this to happen both of them have to understand that in a relationship there’s always “us”, it’s never “only me” or “only you”.
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September 1, 2014 at 9:30 pm
I like your point about learning from our experiences, and also, learning from other people’s experiences, INTJ. We will never know the full story of their relationship, since that is something that only they can fully understand. I do agree that seeing things from both sides is always important in a relationship. It’s not – and shouldn’t be – just one party’s point of view or experience.
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August 27, 2014 at 11:55 am
aw!…i don’t totally banning Kim Hyun Joong Kfangirl and honestly it’s really troubling to think that one of my bias is capable of doing a very offensive thing. I don’t also considered him as a monster for that incident as i am also curious on his statement..though it is true that he did wrong i hope he’ll do his best to rectify and reflect everything as i know there is something wrong with his emotional behavior that needs to correct.. though it maybe hard on his part as he is a well known person i just hope that he’ll be honest and ready to accept the consequences of his act.
To light up a bit i’d like to share this song…
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September 1, 2014 at 9:44 pm
Well said, Evez! As a celeb, he is a role model to others, so how he chooses to conduct himself in this situation is important. If he demonstrates to fans that he can face his relationship and any other accompanying issues squarely and deal with the consequences honestly, that would set a great example to fans. Lol at the song, Evez – quite apt! 😉
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September 2, 2014 at 6:39 pm
I do concur with you Kfangurl, that it is the best time to show his goody side as a role model if ever he did show up and modestly accept and take responsibility for everything he did….this could somehow balance and save his face as man…while some say that it is the best time for him to go MS by October just like having a hiatus…..but i am thinking wouldn’t it be better if he answers and face all the summons in accordance before he serves MS?…in that way if everything is remedied and settled he could always comeback in peace….and yes the song is suitable on his current situation..;)
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September 13, 2014 at 11:24 pm
At this point, it’s hard to say how it will pan out. The latest is that he’s working hard to make peace and resolve things with his ex-girlfriend. Which means that an out-of-court settlement and dropped charges might be how this ends. In which case, he may not choose to enlist in MS so soon after all. We’ll just have to see.
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August 27, 2014 at 3:25 pm
I honestly try not to get involved or riled up over star’s alleged activities. If he is found guilty my hope is that he will be held responsible for his actions. If he’s found innocent then I sincerely hope that netizens will allow it to settle into obscurity quickly so that he can return to his regular life.
Thank you for your balanced and calm take on the entire issue chingu! Having a cool head out there with regards to this is very much needed.
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September 1, 2014 at 10:16 pm
Aw, thank you my dear! 🙂 I’m just trying to be a voice of reason coz there are a lot of people who have reacted quite intensely over the allegations, one way or the other. I totally agree with your take: if he’s guilty, let him take responsibility (& get help), and if he’s not, let him be cleared. Also, it’s so great to see you around these days! 😀
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September 2, 2014 at 12:11 pm
The Fangirl heart is rather intense and when it feels feels it can get rather passionate 🙂 Then of course the anti-fans get riled up right back and it can get out of hand pretty easily. But then that’s sort of the life of a Fangirl isn’t it? hehe I hope that he gets the help he needs and is held responsible if need be. Otherwise I try not to get into the details of it.
It is so wonderful to be around now too! I feel so much better and being back in dramaland and the blogsphere is a blast!
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October 2, 2014 at 11:12 pm
Everyone has a point. Now the truth came out.I wonder how much will the result of the issue impact on the career of khj now and in future.I guess his ex put a lot of courage to exposed those things, specially when you love your bf,despite that you were physically hurt. Hm to Ms.A,the lesson is to find someone who can respect her and will not physically hurt her,but if she really loves him,accept him and have him under go therapy and for khj,I guess the reason why the ex backout with the case is that it’s enough for her maybe to know by his fans that his someone like that and not the dream guy every fans is dreaming of.for khj, I felt bad for him,he works hard to get his fame but with this issue he was ruined.Even his honest image was ruined. Anyway his only human, hopefully he can be able to control next time his temper and the habit of hurting and be true to his fans,so what if he had a girlfriend, he must be proud, didn’t he love her.if his worried about his fans, it’s fine, the fans might understand eventually.Isn’t it fans became fans because his great, handsome, and seeing his capabilities, it’s not like fans will marry him,but just wanting to marry him.Hopefully issues will dissapear and same as his note to his ex,live a good life and be true to himself.Learn from his mistakes,just a tip,when arguing with someone you love,just keep quiet and when both calm down,say sorry and I love you,then discuss the problem. How can I not relate to him,I also have the same habit as him before,it’s easy to get mad and punch or hurt someone, but once done it’s hard to return it to the way it was before.
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October 3, 2014 at 12:10 pm
Hi there, zxeena girl 🙂 Thanks for sharing your experience and point of view. It’s true that KHJ is only human, and as humans, we all make mistakes. I believe in second chances, and I hope that this experience, while a bad one, would eventually become a catalyst for him seeking help to sort out his issues. I don’t wish for his career or life to be ruined over one incident (or in this case, a related set of incidents). I hope that more of his fans can be reasonable yet supportive, like you are doing. Some of the fans who are in denial and declaring their unconditional support of him may only do him harm, coz it’s important to work past the denial and deal with the root issues. I hope for hopeful new beginnings for him.
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October 13, 2014 at 3:48 am
Hello there. I have to point out the facts here so that you get informed.
1) Police said there is no evidence to prove that KHJ assaulted/abused A, other than A’s statement.
2) KHJ declared to the police that he had a physical altercation once with A.
3) After A dropped her accusations, since there was no conclusive evidence, police didn’t send the case to the prosecutor as assault or abuse case, meaning that KHJ got cleared regarding assault & abuse. Police just sent the case to the prosecutor, so that they decide if KHJ will be charged or not regarding the one mutual fight KHJ himself said the two had. If he finally gets charged about it, it’s a minor offence.
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October 13, 2014 at 10:52 am
Hi there. Thanks for your good intentions. I am aware of these latest reports. This post was written in August, right after the news broke of the allegations and netizen reactions were at their peak. All of the reports that you have shared had not yet happened at the time of the post.
I understand that your points are legally true. That is, there is inconclusive evidence etc. However, it is my personal opinion that it is alarming for a couple to have physical altercations at all, let alone to the extent of A’s reported injuries. On that point alone, I still stand by my earlier stated opinion that it would be best for KHJ to seek some help in order to prevent similar incidents in the future. If he does that, I think it would also set a great example to others, in terms of being a role model in responding to negative incidents in one’s life / one’s own mistakes.
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October 13, 2014 at 9:46 pm
Hello again, kfangurl. I know your post was older, I just wanted to inform you.
Thank you also for your good intentions.
Of course, it’s alarming for a couple to have physical altercations repetitively. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they are prone to violence (if it’s about violence, they need to seek help). It can mean that they are totally toxic for each other and push the wrong buttons of each other (in that case, they are no good for each other and they have to break up). But whatever of the two is the case, it’s an alarming situation indeed for a couple.
However, I need to point out some things which certainly need consideration, regarding this case. First of all, none of the reported injuries were deemed as conclusive. As you may already know, the medical reports were not legally signed by physician and there was no X-ray of broken rib. The case was sent to the prosecutor since KHJ himself said they had a mutual fight, but we don’t actually know if there is conclusive evidence even for injuries caused in this fight. So, we don’t actually know if and what injuries were caused.
Secondly, we only know about a physical fight which took place once during breaking up. There’s nothing else proved or admitted. We know about one fight, not many fights. One fight was what KHJ declared, but I have no reason to doubt, since this guy has always been very sincere even when it turned against him.
For sure we can’t conclude that a person is prone to violence or has anger management issues if he is involved in a physical fight with another person for one time. Also, regarding KHJ and Miss A, let’s not forget that we don’t even know who started this physical fight or who was the one to lose his temper or who lost the temper first.
So, especially since we don’t know more, we certainly have to consider things as a whole.
Regarding KHJ, fact is he has been in the limelight for about 10 years and he never had any sign of violent behaviour or anger management problems. If there were such problems, something would have come out to the light during these years even if he tried hard to hide it. On the contrary though, all his colleagues, co-workers and all persons around him have had only good things to say about him. Also, a lot of times, his fans have been around him taking photos and videos of him even by close, not only in airports but even in his personal time spending, like on soccer games. He never got angry with them at all, on the contrary, he even joked with them. I also happened to watch a video where a woman (crazy so-called fan I can call her?) grabbed his arm suddenly showing no respect just because she wanted to touch him I guess. And KHJ didn’t react violently to her at all, he didn’t shove or push her, he didn’t even swear at her. He just gently tried a little to free himself as she continued holding his arm without letting him go. The guy hasn’t even behaved with anger or violence when there was disrespect of his personal space or him.
So, how can a person like that suddenly become a violent person at the age of 28?
And note that he had also dated other girls the previous years. On his youth he was with his first girlfriend 3 years until his debut. No girl came forward to report violence from him, not even now with this case.
Taking everything into consideration, there is high probability that KHJ was in self-defence in that fight. Maybe she couldn’t accept it when he told her he wanted to break up with her and maybe her reaction was over the top. So, maybe he tried to repel her in order to defend himself by pushing her away or something. An accident could have happened too in that moment and could have left her with injuries. I know I am writing a scenario here, but it’s very probable that things unfolded in a way similar to this, taking everything into consideration.
Well, one could say “Who knows? However non-violent a person is, he/she can lose the temper once and engage in a fight”. Of course, this is probable too, though less probable in this case if you ask me. We are humans making mistakes after all, even the noblest ones.
Of course, regarding Miss A, we don’t know who she is, we don’t know her past life at all, so we can’t make any conclusion from her past life.
Last thing I want to mention, as some netizens argue as to why KHJ didn’t counter attack if unfairness was made to him. Fact is that until now KHJ hasn’t been the person to blame other people or even try to defend himself publicly, so it shouldn’t come as a big surprise if there’s no such reaction as counter attack by him.
PS: Sorry for the long post, but I needed all this space to explain thoroughly. And thank you again for your good intentions and for trying to reason and to see things objectively.
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October 14, 2014 at 9:03 pm
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and observations. Ultimately, none of us will ever know the true story, as all we can see are only parts of the story and not the full story. The only additional perspective I can add to what you’ve shared, is that as nice as some guys can appear to the rest of the world, it is often only the ones closest to them (wife, or girlfriend) that tends to see the not-so-nice side. I’ve seen this in real life, so I am confident when I say this. Even a guy whom ALL of his friends and family vouch for, as being the nicest guy on the planet, can have hidden issues, including anger issues. And these issues can remain dormant for years, only coming out when he’s under a great deal of stress, for example.
I’m not saying that this is necessarily the case for KHJ. I’m simply adding some alternative perspectives to the scenarios that you have painted. Ultimately, what I’m trying to say is, we can’t conclude one way or the other what the truth really is, and neither is it our place to judge, or say what is or isn’t. My hope is that if there are issues at play in KHJ’s life, for example, that he would get some help, to move on and have a better, happier future.
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October 15, 2014 at 12:50 am
You are welcome. I understand your point. It’s just that I think it’s even more difficult for someone to hide anger issues for so long if they are on the limelight in the way KHJ has been. And regarding stress, there must have certainly been other much more stressful periods regarding his career life before (of couse I don’t know if he was stressed for other kinds of reasons). Well, in general, to be honest, I don’t think or feel that KHJ has anger issues. But of course, I agree that anyone having anger issues should get help for it in order to move to a better future and set a nice example for others too. That’s the best thing to do.
I think we both have understood the points of each other. Thank you for being reasonable and I’m glad for the constructive conversation that we had here 🙂
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October 15, 2014 at 12:48 am
You are welcome. I understand your point. It’s just that I think it’s even more difficult for someone to hide anger issues for so long if they are on the limelight in the way KHJ has been. And regarding stress, there must have certainly been other much more stressful periods regarding his career life before (of couse I don’t know if he was stressed for other kinds of reasons). Well, in general, to be honest, I don’t think or feel that KHJ has anger issues. But of course, I agree that anyone having anger issues should get help for it in order to move to a better future and set a nice example for others too. That’s the best thing to do.
I think we both have understood the points of each other. Thank you for being reasonable and I’m glad for the constructive conversation that we had here 🙂
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October 15, 2014 at 12:52 am
Oh I’m sorry, I posted here at first, instead of clicking at reply button, lol.
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October 16, 2014 at 3:46 pm
No worries on that, it’s happened to lots of us before. And yes, it’s been good chatting with you. Constructive, reasonable fangirling is something that I really like to support, and we don’t get quite enough of that in the k-fandom. All the best to you, and to KHJ too. See you around! 🙂
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