Welcome to the Open Thread, everyone! Thanks for joining in on this group watch of this very special show! This is the very last thread. 🥲

As I mentioned in my announcement post, these are my notes, exactly as they appear on Patreon.

If you would like to visit my review of the show, you can find it here.

Additionally, you might also like to check out my posts on the various specials as follows:

The Red Sleeve Talk Show Special

Radio Star E755: The Red Sleeve Special Part 1

Radio Star E756: The Red Sleeve Special Part 2

Without further ado, here are my reactions to this set of episodes; have fun in the Open Thread, everyone! ❤️

My thoughts

Episode 15

This turned out to be quite the pivotal episode, and I feel slightly overwhelmed. There’s a lot to process, this hour.

We start the episode with the kiss scene where we’d left off, last episode, and it feels like there’s so much going on, between San and Deok Im.

The kiss starts out angry, with San forcing himself on Deok Im, but it isn’t long before it turns tender, with a sense of wonder about it, as Deok Im relaxes into San’s arms, and kisses him back.

But then, San pushes Deok Im away from himself. Deok Im looks somewhat dazed and disorientated, like she’s been woken from a dream, and I interpret that to mean that she’s reeling from the shock of not just the kiss itself, but of her own reaction to the kiss, which vibes involuntary, to my eyes.

What surprised me more, is San’s angry demeanor and reaction, post-kiss, where he orders Deok Im to leave the palace before dawn, and to never show herself before him again.

I had to think on this one, for a bit.

And, after thinking on San’s reaction for some time, I conclude that it’s.. complicated.

I feel that part of it, is San testing Deok Im, to see if she would ask to stay, because I believe that San wants some kind of evidence to show that Deok Im feels the same way about him as he does towards her, and Deok Im not wanting to leave, would indicate, at least in some measure, that she doesn’t want to be apart from San.

I feel that another part of it, is San attempting to spare himself the torment, of being near Deok Im, but feeling so distant from her, because she keeps pushing him away.

Of course, this is somewhat at odds with the fact that Deok Im’s just kissed him back, but I think that San understands that this is unlikely to change Deok Im’s official stance on the matter, and that’s why he’s attempting to remove her from his life.

On hindsight, I also think that it’s very possible that this is also San’s effort towards protecting Deok Im. As he describes later in the episode, if he were to bed her, and if she then refused to accept the title of royal concubine, she would be relegated to the back corners of the palace, where she would be ridiculed by other court maids.

In fact, the more I think about this, the more convinced I am, that San ordering Deok Im out of the palace, is to protect her from such a fate.

Because, now that he’s kissed her, and tasted what it’s like to be intimate with her, it’s likely that he realizes that it would be extremely difficult for him to stop himself from taking this further – particularly in the context of the times, where there is no reproach for a King who decides to bed his court maid.

And so, my conclusion is that San’s primary reason for expelling Deok Im from the palace, is to protect her from himself – and from the dismal fate, that would come from her continuing to refuse the title of royal concubine, if he really were to have his way with her.

Of course, San looks angry, as he bites out the words with a snarl, “Leave the palace before the dawn breaks. Get out of my sight! I do not wish to see you again.”

My interpretation of that anger, is that, 1, he wants to get through to Deok Im, that he is serious about his order for her to leave the palace, and 2, he’s angry at having to send her away, because it’s not something that he actually wants to do.

And, I do think there is resentment in there towards Deok Im as well, because the whole reason he’s sending her away, is because she refuses to acknowledge her feelings for him – feelings which have made themselves apparent, in her reflexive response to his kiss.

Although Deok Im is not privy to the reasons behind San’s command, she clearly knows him well enough, to know that he is serious about ordering her to leave the palace, which is why she packs up immediately, despite Court Lady Seo’s protests.

I do believe what San says, when he tells Court Lady Seo the next morning, that the reason he is there at the court ladies’ quarters, is to see with his own eyes, that Deok Im is no longer there.

I feel that Deok Im is so much a part of his life at the palace, and so much a part of his consciousness, as he lives each day at the palace, that it feels surreal to San, to think that Deok Im would really not be there anymore.

That, I think, is why he goes to Deok Im’s quarters, and along with that, I believe there is a part of him that hopes that she would still be there, in spite of his own orders to her, to leave.

Ahhh, it really is complicated.

Not gonna lie; I was a little thrown at first, by the one-year time skip, but I rationalize that again, this is just how Show treats the passage of time. If there is nothing of particular importance to our central OTP story, Show is going to skip over that, and I’d rather we had the time skip, than, say, one to two episodes delving into San’s and Deok Im’s lives, during the one year separation. 😅

What strikes me about Deok Im’s run-in with Deok Ro, is firstly, how annoying he continues to be, in his accusations towards Deok Im, even after all this time has passed, and he’s no longer a member of the palace.

Beyond that first layer of annoyance, though, it occurs to me that the reason Deok Ro interprets Deok Im’s actions as a calculated risk, where she’d bet on San not being able to take her life for an infraction, is because that’s exactly what he himself had done.

That’s the only way he knows, to interpret the world, and that’s why he assumes that Deok Im had taken a carefully calculated risk, rather than actually wagered her life, as she acted on her heart.

I actually found this last arc with Deok Ro quite illuminating, in terms of helping us to understand his character.

When Deok Im later goes to see him, to take back her words about him having caused his sister’s death, there are 2 things that come to my mind.

1, that Deok Im is such a decent person, that her conscience will not allow her to have said such an unjust thing to someone, and possibly have that false guilt weigh on their conscience, even if that person is someone who has done many things wrong, and has been cruel to her and her friends. I love that about her.

2, that Deok Ro really is driven by ambition, to his very core. It really hits home for me, when he talks about the reason he’s asking Deok Im to run away with him: so that he can console himself with the thought that he has the one thing that San cannot have. Wow. Talk about messed up values.

But also, that probably speaks of an entire lifetime of Deok Ro comparing himself to San, and using San as a measure of success. What a miserable life that must have been, for Deok Ro, because he must have always felt like he was never enough.

As for San visiting Princess Cheong Yeon’s residence, the whole thing hits differently on hindsight, now that we’re told that San himself had made arrangements for Princess Cheong Yeon to take in Deok Im, upon Deok Im’s departure from the palace.

This means that San agrees to the suggestion to spend the night at Princess Cheong Yeon’s residence, knowing that there was a good chance he would run into Deok Im there. But he agrees anyway.

There’s a heaviness in his voice, as he agrees, which indicates to me that he likely wants to see Deok Im, because he misses her, but also, kind of dreads seeing her, at the same time, because it would likely be a disappointing, frustrating &/or heartbreaking encounter.

At first, I’d thought that San freezing in his place, as his eyes come upon Deok Im returning to Princess Cheong Yeon’s residence, is out of surprise. However, now that I know that he had full knowledge that Deok Im worked there, his reaction to seeing Deok Im lands differently, as well.

His reaction is not out of surprise; his reaction is a pure response to the fact that Deok Im is once again in his line of sight. Even after a year, she still affects him so deeply. There’s definitely something romantic about that.

I feel like there are a number of things that factor into Deok Im’s eventual act at the end of the episode, of reaching for San, and I believe one of those things, is finding out from Princess Cheong Yeon, that it had been San, who had personally arranged for Princess Cheong Yeon to take Deok Im in.

Deok Im’s musing, that he had shown her grace, even though she had specifically said things to hurt him, is, I think, the first major piece that leads towards her eventual change of heart, in terms of her decision to maintain her distance from San.

And then, there’s the scene in the garden that night, where Deok Im encounters San while lighting lanterns.

From early on in the scene, it’s apparent that Deok Im’s eyes are teary, as she faces San, even before his mood turns hard and angry. I think that’s reflective of just how deeply it’s hit her, that San had shown grace and mercy to her, when she had deserved punishment.

I also tend to think that this teariness, is an expression of her feelings for San, which we know are real, but which she has suppressed, for so long.

I think that the reason Deok Im asks San to ignore her in the future, is her way of shaping her own punishment, since, to her mind, San didn’t actually punish her properly, in ordering her to leave the palace. Because, it would surely hurt her, to have San ignore her, even though it’s something that she herself is asking for, right?

I see San’s anger at Deok Im’s request to ignore her, as him being upset that she’s asking to put distance between them again, rather than at the idea that she’s telling him what to do.

It messes with my brain, that San’s threat, to untie Deok Im’s blouse, and basically bed her right then, is equal parts disturbing, yet distinctly hot, with sexual frisson, as he leans in to her, and gazes at her so intently through lowered lids, as he mutter-growls his words.

In terms of whether San is actually considering the idea, I feel like he’s likely.. testing out the idea, both on Deok Im, and on himself. It’s almost like he’s thinking aloud and fingering the idea, even as he fingers the ribbon tie on her blouse.

Importantly, he ultimately rejects the idea, and I feel it’s because, as it’s always been from the beginning, San wishes for Deok Im to come to him willingly.

The interesting thing that I take away from this scene, is that in laying out the exact ways in which San could have taken advantage of his power – to bed Deok Im, and then relegate her to the back rooms of the palace, if she were to refuse a concubine position – San is actually, in a reverse, possibly accidental, sort of way, also making clear just how much grace he has exercised, towards Deok Im.

It’s a bit of an irony, but it makes a lot of sense when I think about it. It’s only when we know just how much power San has, to make Deok Im’s life miserable, that we can see clearly just how much San has favored Deok Im, by refusing to use that power.

I feel that this implication isn’t lost on Deok Im, and this added realization, probably does factor in to her eventual change of heart, at the end of the episode. Not out of fear of San, of what he might do to her if she doesn’t comply, but out of a realization, of just how precious she is to him, that he would restrain his hand so much, in order to honor and protect her.

On another note, the introduction of Princess Hwabin, San’s new concubine, proves to be quite the catalyst, in our story. Show sure doesn’t waste much time at all, in showing Princess Hwabin’s not-so-nice colors, eh?

Because of this, it gives me a definite measure of satisfaction, to see San treat Princess Hwabin with such a distinct businesslike sort of vibe, from the moment he sets eyes on her.

On hindsight, I’m pretty convinced that she had known that approaching San like that without permission, was an infraction of royal etiquette, but had calculated that she would be forgiven for not being familiar with palace norms, and therefore approached him on purpose. I’m so glad that San cuts her off, and instructs Head Guard to escort her home instead.

It’s pretty sneaky of Consort Hyebin to sneak Deok Im back into the palace, by making her one of Princess Hwabin’s court ladies, and this awkward placement does give rise to a good amount of discomfort for not only Deok Im, but San and Princess Hwabin as well, but I suppose this really was the only way for Consort Hyebin to get Deok Im back into San’s orbit.

And, as San’s mother, I can understand her desire to maximize her son’s chances at happiness, even if it’s via such an unorthodox, awkward sort of arrangement.

I’m rather curious about whether Princess Hyebin had received any special tip-off about San’s affection for Deok Im, because it appears that Princess Hyebin has it out for Deok Im, right from the beginning, almost. Or, perhaps, just the look on San’s face, at spotting Deok Im from among the group of court ladies, was enough to raise Princess Hyebin’s hackles.

The way she immediately sends Deok Im to inspect her bedding, thus implying her own right to share San’s bed, is such a power move, designed to impress upon Deok Im, the difference in status between her and Deok Im.

And, dissatisfied with her findings, Princess Hyebin then soon sends Deok Im on that errand to San, to deliver the date of their royal consummation, specifically during San’s bath time.

I feel that this was to, again, impress upon Deok Im the rightful nature of her relationship with San, as well as to test the waters, to see what would happen, if she sent Deok Im to San, particularly at a time when San would be in a state of undress. Sneaky, manipulative woman!

Judging from Princess Hyebin’s actions, she’s going to be someone whom Deok Im will have to contend with, going forward, even after she becomes San’s royal concubine. Just from this episode alone, we can see that she’s scheming, territorial, malicious, and quick to lord it over someone who’s weaker. I dislike her a great deal already.

On another note, my heart aches for both San and Deok Im, as they meet in the bath chamber. Even though it’s clear that San is terse and on edge, it’s easy to see that in testing Deok Im, by asking her if she is happy to be back, or if she had been forced to come back, San actually deeply desires to get an indication from Deok Im, that she is happy to see him again.

Deok Im’s studied, decorous manner only serves to maintain the distance between them, and it hurts both San and Deok Im, as we see from their tearful countenances afterwards.

There’s frustration and resentment in San’s eyes, and resignation in Deok Im’s, but the one emotion that they have in common in this moment, that is clear to see, through the other emotions on their faces, is sorrow. 💔

I hate that Princess Hyebin accuses Deok Im of trying to seduce San, and beats her for it. UGH. She definitely has people spying on San &/or Deok Im, that’s for sure.

The more stoic and impassive Deok Im is, during the beating, the more furiously Princess Hyebin hits her. That’s definitely the mark of a bully.

It makes her angrier, that she can’t get a reaction out of Deok Im. Not only that, it’s clear that she’s out to get Deok Im now, with the way she assigns Deok Im to do laundry in the icy night weather.

I’m SO glad that San comes upon it, and takes Princess Hyebin to task for disrespecting both him and his mother, in the way she treats Deok Im.

To San’s credit, he doesn’t even know that it’s Deok Im, when he makes his way over there. He only knows that it’s a court lady washing clothes at a time when it’s forbidden to do so, which means that he is fair; he would’ve spoken up for and saved any other court lady, in Deok Im’s place.

I like that it is when San is pondering his mother’s words to him, to be happy, that he comes upon Deok Im shedding that tear, on the bridge.

With everyone around them removed, and therefore, a temporary lifting of context, I like how San speaks frankly with Deok Im, asking first after her hands, and then, asking if she’s crying because Princess Hwabin has harassed her again, “I’d rather you cry because of me. Only cry when I can see you. Do not cry by yourself when I cannot see you or know you are crying.”

Deok Im’s musing, over Deok Ro’s death, and how everything changes so rapidly, and how, once changed, it can’t go back, also feels like another factor, on top of the earlier ones I mentioned, in her eventual change of heart. There is a lot that has changed, between her and San, and this does feel like a precious remnant of happier times, that, if she lets go of now, may never return to her again.

I believe, though, that the deciding factor, is when San, coming to the realization that it had been Deok Im who had saved him all those years ago, by tearing out the offending pages of the forbidden book, thanks Deok Im, for having always saved him.

Besides the fact that San is laying his heart bare before her, and telling her that he cannot bear it when she cries, which is touching in itself, I feel that the fact that he thanks her, affirms her self-worth and self-value, in a way that very much aligns with why she’s always desired personal agency to begin with.

I feel that the fact that San is able to recognize her value and express it in his thanks, is the final, decisive thing that causes Deok Im to reach for his sleeve, as he turns to walk away in sad resignation, believing her silence to mean that there really is no way for things to go back to the way they were.

The fact that she reaches for his sleeve, is everything, in this moment. This is the first time she’s reaching for him, and in the context of everything that he’s said, this is her, telling San, that she would like for things to go back to the way they were; she would like him to come close to her; she does want to be close to him. Ahhh!

The realization of all these things, registering in one long moment, in San’s eyes, feels like that breathless moment, on the precipice of a rollercoaster, where you feel like you’re suspended in time. And then, the quick, decisive, way San takes Deok Im into his arms, and holds her tight, feels like the switch with which San’s emotions are finally given release.

It’s a small release for a large dam of emotions, but that release is so very heartfelt, as San whispers, “I’ve missed you so, Deok Im-ah.”

Ahhhh!! So, so precious, and so, so poignant, that these two are finally at a place where their thoughts and their feelings meet. I feel like I can barely breathe; it’s so precious.

Episode 16

What a journey this penultimate episode turned out to be.

We begin the episode with out OTP’s hands joined, in that scene on the bridge, and end the episode, with their hands also joined, with San and Deok Im together, in her chambers, but so much happens in between, that I feel like I need to just sit and breathe, for a bit, to process it all.

I have to admit, I was a little disappointed at how the bridge scene ends, because Deok Im continues to maintain that she would like to stay in her court lady position, if possible. However, there is still beauty in this scene, for the moment of raw honesty, that San and Deok Im share.

He is so open with her, as he tells her that he’s missed her, and he’s gentle, as he asks if she would come, if he asked, and also, if she would come to him willingly of her own accord, and for the first time, Deok Im is honest with San, as she tells him that perhaps she would be, and perhaps she wants to do so – but that she would rather keep her position.

It’s not exactly the full acknowledgment of her feelings as my fangirl heart had hoped for, at the end of the previous episode, but it is Deok Im being more truthful about her feelings for San than he’s ever seen or heard before, and that feels precious.

At least San knows that in Deok Im’s heart, there is a measure of desire in her, to come to him, even though her desire to keep her position is also important to her.

The whole arc, of Princess Hwabin doing her darndest to destroy Deok Im and condemn her to death, makes me loathe her so, particularly when she persists in asking for a death sentence for Deok Im, even after Consort Hyebin (bless her heart) steps in to explain that the man who has been seen in Deok Im’s company is her elder brother, and how she had saved Deok Im and her brother in their childhood, and how they’d come to have different surnames.

The way Princess Hwabin puts her foot in her mouth, by declaring that Deok Im is the daughter of a traitor, because her father had served Crown Prince Sado, a grave sinner, was particularly satisfying to watch, especially when San rises to his feet and spits out with royal fury, that HE is the son of Crown Prince Sado. YES.

I have to confess to feeling extremely gratified by the horrified look on Hwabin’s face, as she registers what a terrible mistake she’s made, in her hyper-focus to get rid of Deok Im. Muahaha.

I also couldn’t help feeling pleased at the Queen Dowager’s pronouncement, that she never wanted to see Hwabin again. I’m.. pretty sure that San has similar sentiments around whether he’d like to see Hwabin again, which, I think means that Hwabin’s likely going to be relegated to spending a lot of time on her own, in her quarters.

I can imagine that if this incident hadn’t occurred, that San might well have allowed things to have remained as they were, with Deok Im keeping her position as a court lady, and San pining for her from afar.

However, now that this has happened, I think it becomes clearer than ever, to San, that Deok Im is in danger, and I believe that’s why he gives the royal order, for Deok Im to no longer serve Hwabin, and for Deok Im to be brought to his bedchamber that night. On hindsight, it’s true that if he had not acted quickly to do this, the Queen Dowager would have snatched up Deok Im by the following morning.

Importantly, even though Deok Im comes to San’s chambers by his royal command, he does not force her to do anything that she does not want to do.

In fact, I’d assumed that Deok Im’s somber mood had to do solely with the fact that she does not wish to give up her life as a court lady.

It only becomes clear, when she starts to talk to San, that she actually believes his actions to be rooted in anger, and a desire to punish her, in the way that he’d once described, in Princess Cheong Yeon’s garden.

Ahhh. Yes, context is everything, after all. With that memory relatively fresh on her mind, and the whole thing with Hwabin technically a bit of a debacle, it’s understandable that Deok Im would misconstrue San’s desire to save and protect her, as an effort to punish her, instead.

I love how, when San realizes this, he doesn’t actually get angry with her, even though he could, because she’s technically rebuffing his heartfelt feelings. Instead, he stops, and he tells her, so gently and so plaintively, that he doesn’t want to lose her again.

And, when Deok Im explains that she will lose everything in the morning, and requests that he let her go, I’m touched that he listens, and then quietly, intently, gently, says to her, as he holds her hand, and looks into her eyes:

“Can you live… your whole life without seeing me? Tonight, if you mean to turn me down, I will let you go. But we will never get to see each other again, and this will be the last day we meet.

I love you. It is okay if you do not love me back. I do not care… what feelings you have for me… whether it is loyalty… or love. If you just stay by my side. Give me an answer. Must I truly… let you go? Tell me. Deok Im-ah.”

Gurgle. It’s all so heartfelt, I’m literally drowning in all my feels.

San is truly laying bare his heart, and, in that moment when he thinks that Deok Im’s silence, and her averted gaze, indicate her rejection of him, and he starts to let go of her hand, my heart almost broke for him, because, in that moment, his heart must have dropped at the thought that he was going to lose Deok Im, and never see her again.

BUT. Deok Im reaches for his hand, and grasps his fingers, to keep his hand on hers, and it’s everything, in this moment. She doesn’t say a word, but to San, it’s all that he needs.

This is Deok Im telling him that she doesn’t want to live her life never being able to see him again; this is Deok Im choosing to stay with him, even though he’s offering to let her go. Ahhhh!

The way San draws her to himself, and kisses her, is so hungry, yet so gentle, in one. He’s waited a long time for Deok Im to come to him willingly, and now, in this moment, she finally is, and it’s quietly emotional, very, very tender, and really quite beautiful.

Perhaps the most beautiful moment, this episode, though, is the morning after, as Deok Im silently gazes upon San’s sleeping face, and moves to gently touch his cheek. With all of their context momentarily stripped away, this feels like a moment suspended in time, where she’s just able to be with San, the man she loves.

The way he reaches for her hand is so gentle, and the way they smile at each other, is so tender. And the way he rolls over, to kiss her all over again, is so gentle and so.. content, at the same time.

I love that in this moment, their togetherness is all that matters to San. He doesn’t seem to care, that he’s late for the morning assembly, or that he has royal duties that he needs to fulfill. In this moment, Deok Im is his entire world, and I can’t help but swoon at that.

Of course, the realities aren’t quite so simple, in broad daylight, and I’m glad that Deok Im still has her friends to rally around her. I’d been halfway afraid that Deok Im becoming a concubine would mean the end of her friendship with Kyung Hee, Young Hee and Bok Yeon, but nope, those 3 still have her back, and are still fiercely loyal to her, and I love that, so much.

I’m sobered to hear Deok Im tell her friends, that if she does love San, she would make sure that he never finds out. On the one hand, that makes my heart break for San, because he has been so honest and upfront about how much he loves Deok Im.

On the other hand, listening to Deok Im talk about it, I can understand that, to her, this is arguably the last frontier of her personal agency. She now has so little control over anything, that this feels like the only thing which she has control over, and therefore, I can understand her wanting to hold onto that.

I do feel sad for Deok Im, who spends the next 10 days waiting in vain, for San to visit her, and I can understand why she might think that San now regrets his actions, and is ready to banish her to the backrooms of the palace.

HOWEVER. Isn’t context really everything, after all, because the moment San does come to see her, he’s all gentle smiles and tender kisses.

I have to confess that my heart wobbled, when San tells Deok Im that he’d missed her, and that the reason he’d stayed away, was because he’d believed that she would need time to think. Aw. San really is consistently considerate of Deok Im’s needs, isn’t he?

Also, I couldn’t help but chuckle, at how San tells Deok Im that he would have come to see her sooner, if he’d known that such useless thoughts had been plaguing her mind.

How significant, that Deok Im now tells San that she doesn’t resent him any longer, and had missed him too. Aieee!!! I know she hasn’t told him that she loves him, but this thing, of her telling him that she’d missed him too, comes pretty close, yes?

My fangirl heart swooned (and rawred) at the tidbit of information, that San makes sure to visit Deok Im every night, and then giggled, and then melted, when San rushes over to see Deok Im, at the (fake) news that she’s unwell, and then refuses to leave, and holds her in his arms all night. 🥰

Sigh.. Deok Im really looks so happy and content, as she lies in his arms.

And then, my heart lurched at how San, thrilled at the news of Deok Im’s pregnancy, actually stops himself in his tracks as he’s on the way to see her, in order to visit the Queen instead.

What strikes me about it all, is how.. bittersweet their love has to be. Unlike ordinary people, San has a duty to his nation, as well as to his Queen, and Deok Im has to understand that, in order to honor him and all that he is.

How sobering and heartbreaking it must be, though, to anxiously await the arrival of the father of your baby, to rejoice in the happy news together, only to realize that he has to spend the night with someone else, because you are pregnant.

It’s a bitter pill to swallow, and I’m beginning to understand, more than ever, why Deok Im hadn’t wanted to be a royal concubine, despite her clear love for San.

On that note, I believe that Deok Im made her choice knowingly; she’d simply finally come to the conclusion that, after all is said and done, San means more to her than her freedom.

She could not bear the thought of never seeing San again, and therefore chose to be with him, even though she knew that it meant that her whole world would change, and that she would never be able to leave the palace again.

On a related sort of note, I also wanted to say that while it might sound a little jarring to the ear, to hear San say, a number of times this episode, that it doesn’t matter whether Deok Im loves him or not, because she is his, I don’t think that this is meant to establish his position of power over her.

Rather, I tend to think that this is San’s way of comforting himself, that Deok Im has not told him that she loves him. From everything that we’ve seen of San’s feelings towards Deok Im, I’m convinced that San wants nothing more, than for Deok Im to tell him that she loves him.

However, she has not done so, and even though she has given little indications, like telling him that she misses him, it isn’t quite the same as her telling him that she loves him. And, San reiterating that it doesn’t matter because she is his, is his way of coping, I feel.

I do love our closing scene, where San thinks of the title that he’d like to give Deok Im, if she were to give birth to a son and therefore become a Consort, because the title that he picks for her, is pitch perfect. It’s about family, and love, and that’s exactly what Deok Im is, to him.

What a sweet little picture of family bliss, as Deok Im asks San if he can feel the baby, and he smilingly says that he can, while she chuckles at how amazing he must be, if he really can feel the baby.

Awww. Can we have San and Deok Im be happy like this together, always? Pretty please? ❤️🥺

Episode 17

Augh. What. A. Finale.

How did this final episode manage to make me cry so much from heartache, and yet, manage to leave my heart feeling full? I feel like I’ve had the wind knocked out of me, and yet, it feels absolutely worthwhile.

I have to admit, I’d balked when I first saw the length of this episode. A whole hour and 40 minutes; that’s basically a full-length movie, is what I thought. And yet, once I started watching it, I was pulled along effortlessly by the story that Show wanted to tell. I didn’t once feel like the episode was too long and therefore I needed a break.

If anything, the only breaks I took, were because it was all a little much to process, emotionally. It was my heart that needed the break, and that has nothing to do with the episode feeling too long.

Before I get started on my thoughts, though, I feel it would be useful to address the potential elephant in the room: that Deok Im dies just a few short years after becoming San’s concubine. My mom disliked Show’s ending because Deok Im died.

And, well, fair enough, I get that this can be an upsetting turn of events in any story.

However, I’d like to offer the perspective, that Show had chosen to tell this story from within the pages of history, and the fact is, there’s no getting around Deok Im’s early death, unless Show completely ignores history, and writes an alternative ending.

And while that might be the choice that some shows make, that isn’t the choice that this show makes, and for that, I think Show deserves respect.

Show chooses to stick with the most difficult part of this history – that Deok Im dies an early death – and manages to weave (what I think is) a beautifully poignant perspective into its narrative, which I very much appreciate.

Because of the monster length of the episode, I don’t foresee that I will be able to talk about everything in detail. But I do want to make sure that I touch on all the things that really stood out to me.

First of all, Show absolutely does not shy away from showing us how difficult and painful life could be, for both Deok Im and San, with the opening scene being of their young son on his death bed, with San cradling him as a tearful, helpless father, and Deok Im, unable to see him, because he’s got the measles, and she cannot risk the wellbeing of the child in her womb.

The fact that Deok Im doesn’t get to see her son one last time, before his passing, is really heartbreaking. The fact that she’s expected to gird herself up and be strong, because she’s not the only one who’s lost her child, feels cruel, particularly when that statement comes from San.

My heart broke for Deok Im, within seconds of starting this finale, and it continued to break for her, through this entire episode.

At the same time, it’s not hard to see that San himself is heartbroken at the loss of his son, and isn’t allowing himself to grieve, because of his duty to the nation, as King. That scene, where San breaks down sobbing, all alone in his study, made my heart ache for how sad and lonely San is.

That pretty much sums up the dilemma for San, through his reign. He’s continually torn between acknowledging his own feelings and needs, and fulfilling his duty as King.

I feel that Young Hee’s affair, imprisonment and eventual death serves a few different purposes, in our narrative.

It serves as an example of how San has to be faithful to his royal duties, even though he has the power to save Young Hee. In order to be a fair and just King, San has to sentence one of Deok Im’s dearest friends to death.

That has to hurt both him and Deok Im, and yet, they are both sadly stoic about it, because they both understand that this is not his choice.

At the same time, this event does serve to add to Deok Im’s deteriorating state, not only emotionally, but also, mentally and physically.

Even though Show is not clear on Deok Im’s eventual cause of death, I feel that her grief over her son’s death, and then Young Hee’s death as well, definitely caused her physical deterioration, and very likely also eroded her will to live.

On a more symbolic sort of level, I feel that Young Hee’s story serves as an echo to Deok Im’s own story. Young Hee tells Deok Im that she had chosen love, even though she understood the risks that it entailed, and the danger to herself that she was undertaking, in choosing love. Even though, in the end, her love has led her to death, she does not regret the choice that she’s made.

Isn’t that essentially Deok Im’s story, summed up? Deok Im, too, chose love, even though, in choosing love, she knew the pain that it entailed. But she chose love anyway, because she had felt that it was a worthwhile choice. And in the end, her love does, in a way, lead to her death, but she does not resent San for it, and neither does she mourn the choice that she’d made.

Because of this, I actually appreciate the inclusion of Young Hee’s story, because it serves as such a great mirror for Deok Im’s love and Deok Im’s choice, which we’ve been witnessing, over the course of our story.

In that scene where Deok Im, Kyung Hee and Bok Yeon talk about meeting again (in the inferred afterlife), where they would wait for one another and live in a house by a bookstore, Deok Im is the one who asks what the penalty would be, if any of them doesn’t keep the promise.

On hindsight, that serves as a foreshadowing of our eventual ending, doesn’t it, where we see that Deok Im has been waiting for San, at the little house that had served as her royal quarters, instead of for her friends, as previously promised.

I’d like to think that even then, Deok Im had known that she would end up choosing to wait for San in the afterlife. That’s just how much she loves him.

Also on hindsight, I think that that’s why Deok Im had asked to see Kyung Hee and Bok Yeon on her deathbed, instead of San. She says that it’s because she knows that he’ll be alright, because he is strong, and he is the King, while she is all the girls have.

Beyond that, though, I believe it’s because, by this point, Deok Im’s already clear that she will see San again, because she will wait for him in the afterlife, but this is the last time she might see her friends, because she will not be waiting for them, as promised.

Even though Deok Im tells San, on her deathbed, to pass her by if he were to meet her in their next life, I don’t see that as Deok Im rejecting San.

I feel that it’s mostly Deok Im expressing her desire for personal agency, if she were to have a next life. And, in the context of our eventual ending, where Show hints that San and Deok Im stay together forever in the afterlife, this statement lands more as a hypothetical desire, than an actual request for San to stay away from her in their next life.

At the same time, I feel sorry for San, not only for having to say goodbye to Deok Im, but also because, even though Deok Im’s actions have indicated her love for him, there are seeds of doubt in his mind too, because of her decision not to articulate her feelings for him.

And, over the years, it’s easy for those seeds of doubt to take root and grow stronger.

In the wake of Deok Im’s death, it’s clear just how heartbroken, and just.. generally broken, San is, from losing her. Because of this, I feel that his articulated decision to forget Deok Im, isn’t really about forgetting her per se.

Rather, I see this as San choosing to put away his thoughts and memories of Deok Im – bury them in a corner of his heart, if you will – so that he’d be able to function, and fulfill his royal duties.

I do believe that if San had not made that choice, to put away his thoughts of Deok Im, that he would have been paralyzed for a very long time, and that would’ve been just unacceptable, for a King.

Therefore, when San once again speaks of Deok Im, later in the episode, and asks to see the belongings that she’d left behind, I don’t think of it as him suddenly remembering her, after having forgotten her. I see it more as him finally giving himself permission to think upon her once again.

In that scene where Kyung Hee tries to tell San about Deok Im’s true feelings for him, I feel like San’s strong reaction, where he refuses to allow Kyung Hee to finish speaking, comes from those seeds of doubt that I talked about earlier.

I get it, actually. Coz sometimes, even though the actions do speak louder than words, you still want the assurance of the words themselves, and that’s something that San didn’t get, from Deok Im.

The scene of San opening the box, and fingering each of Deok Im’s belongings, and thinking back on the memories associated with each piece, as the tears fall freely, is so very poignant. The happy memories, though sweet, are now tinged with pathos, with Deok Im gone from San’s side.

In particular, I find San’s tearful realization, as he holds her jeogori and then sobs into it, that Deok Im had been so tiny, extra poignant. It’s like Deok Im had been smaller and more fragile than he’d realized, and he’s overcome now, at the realization that she had needed more protection than he’d thought.

What a moving interpretation of the scene by Junho, truly.

I very much appreciated the nugget of a scene, where the always-contrary, always-grumpy minister tells San that he’s actually glad that San is his king, because it gives San the assurance that he’s done right by the throne, after having given it his all, all these years.

It’s so poignant that on his deathbed, San’s thoughts immediately go to Deok Im. The sheen of tears in his eyes, says so much, about how much he loves her and misses her, even now.

I actually really, really love the idea of the “reverse dream,” where, in falling deeper into unconsciousness, San wakes up from his nightmare all over again, lying in Deok Im’s lap, just like he had before.

Except, this time, even though Deok Im urges him to go back to tend to royal matters, San chooses to stay.

I love this idea, that San has a choice in the matter.

He knows that going through that door, he would get to live a longer life, and do more for his country, as a King. But where before, he’d always made the choice to put his royal duties first, this time, he chooses to put Deok Im and their love, first.

Deok Im’s been waiting for him, all these years, and I believe that even if San had chosen to go back to his royal duties, that she would have continued to wait for him, until he had been ready to come to her. But this time, San makes her his priority, and chooses to stay with her, rather than go back.

I do love the closing voiceover that we get from San and Deok Im, who together indicate that, however one interprets this moment, they are together forever, now.

San: “If this… is a past memory, it is fine. If it is a dream, it is fine. It does not matter if I am dead. I will… always choose this moment with you… and hope… this moment to not change. For this moment… to be forever.”

Deok Im: “So the moment… became forever.”

Through the lens of a reverse-dream, it’s their duty-bound lives that make up the dream, while their time now, together, is their reality, and.. that’s quite beautiful, I feel.

If they can be together now, for all eternity, in this happy bubble that’s suspended outside of time, then it feels like all of the obstacles that they’d overcome together, in order to love each other, are worthwhile in retrospect. At least, that’s how I’d like to think of it.

Be happy together, San and Deok Im.. May you now enjoy many, many lifetimes’ worth of love, joy and happiness together, now that you are each other’s forever family. 🥲❤️

THE FINAL VERDICT:

Beautiful, intricate and rich in its characterization, and poignantly satisfying in its storytelling.

FINAL GRADE: A