Review: My Mister [My Ahjussi]

THE SHORT VERDICT:

This show is like its titular protagonist; both start out quiet, gloomy and unassuming, but over the course of 16 episodes, both reveal themselves to be beautiful, moving heroes who show us the power of kindness, and the grace of humanity.

Assured writing, tender directing, and outstanding performances from the cast all come together to make My Mister an absorbing watch that feels organic, real and raw.

The OST, which is delicate, thoughtful, and ethereal in turn, is meticulously crafted and applied, and effectively lifts the watch to another level.

Dark and beautiful. And at the same time, warm and beautiful. A must-see.

THE LONG VERDICT:

If I’d been left to my own devices, it’s quite possible that I wouldn’t have given this show a second glance.

Mostly, I wasn’t immediately attracted by the heavy vibe of the posters, and Show’s gloomy-sounding theme. I don’t specifically go looking for heaviness in my dramas, after all, and this seemed like a show that deserved a wide berth.

Thankfully, you guys wouldn’t leave me to my own devices. As this show was airing, and even after it finished its run, there were so many of you who took the time to persuade me that this was a show I would enjoy; that this was a show that was worth my time.

And now, here I am, having loved this one, and given it my heart and my tears. Thank you, y’all. ❤️

I think a good way to put it, is that right off the bat, I felt intrigued by this show, almost against my will. I don’t tend to gravitate towards melodramas (I think, anyway, coz I’ve been liking more melos than I’d expected to, of late), and I thought I would prefer a lighter show than this.

And yet, right after episode 1, I felt interested and intrigued, in spite of myself. I was curious to know more about these characters and what they would do, and what would happen if they did do those things.

Just, so absorbing and engaging, all the way through.

The only thing was, I found that I couldn’t watch more than an episode at a time.

I just couldn’t do back-to-back episodes of this one. I needed time to recover a little bit, and my heart needed a moment – or ten – every time I finished an episode.

This show just had a way of creeping under my skin and pulling my heart in different directions, that I needed time to breathe and recover, after an episode. My heart got too full. ❤️

OST ALBUM: FOR YOUR LISTENING PLEASURE

Here’s the OST album, in case you’d like to listen to it while reading the review.

GENERAL HANDLING & EXECUTION

I very much enjoyed Show’s general handling and execution. From start to finish, the writing, music and directing felt carefully conceived and thoughtfully executed.

The writing

Most kdramas have some sense of formula to them, in varying degrees, but this show did not feel formulaic, at all. I loved that it felt organically like a story that someone wanted to tell, rather than a rehash of drama tropes that a writer felt compelled to use.

It feels real

One of the things that writer-nim does very well, is paint a world that feels real and unpolished. Many kdramas portray worlds that are a little more fairytale than real. Not this one.

In this one, I felt like I was being presented with a blunt, as-is look at life in Korea, and that made me feel, all the more, like a fly on the wall, observing these characters, and sharing in their lives.

[MINOR SPOILER]

For example, all the horrible dirty staircases that Sang Hoon and Ki Hoon (Park Ho San and Song Jae Byuk) have to clean reminds me of what I was told before, that in Korea, a lot of people drink so much that they just throw up everywhere, and when you walk on the street, it’s not uncommon to have to sidestep different-colored pools of puke, because of all the drunk people who’d thrown up on the street the night before.

[END SPOILER]

This show doesn’t whitewash Korea to show only the pretty polished version of the culture to everyone. This show tells it like it is, and that made this story pop, all the more.

It feels careful and detailed

[SPOILER ALERT]

One instance where I keenly felt the care that writer-nim had taken with this narrative, is in episode 15, when, while on the run, Ji An (IU) remembers what Dong Hoon (Lee Sun Kyun) had said in episode 5 to Assistant Manager Kim (Chae Dong Hyun) after he found out that Kim had talked trash about Dong Hoon behind his back.

Apologize ten times.”

With this memory echoing in her mind, Ji An drops to her knees in the middle of the busy street, and sobs out apology after apology. I found that scene powerful and affecting, and I love how early that narrative seed was planted.

Just so careful and detailed, I love it.

[END SPOILER]

The music

Almost every note that you guys wrote to me, to tell me that I would love this show, included a line or two, about how I would love the OST. You guys are so right. I do love the music in this, very, very much.

I found this show’s OST to be often lilting, and alternately moody and wistful. I felt like while the OST worked to make my watch immersive, it also added a layer of surreality – and occasionally, poetry – to an otherwise melancholic narrative.

I found this particularly true in Show’s earlier episodes, which leaned gloomier than its later episodes.

I’m sharing several of my favorite tracks from the OST in this review; I hope you guys enjoy.

The directing

Coming from the same PD who directed Misaeng, it should come as no surprise that the directing in this show is assured, and pretty darn fantastic.

Kim Won Seok PD just has a way of handling minutiae to communicate on a larger scale, and he does that so effectively, while remaining subtle, and respectful of his characters.

[SPOILER ALERT]

Here are just two instances where the directing shone extra, to my eyes.

Episode 4

The way Show tells us things can be quite subtle. In this episode, we see Kwang Il (Jang Ki Yong) beating up Ji An, and that looks like the end of that, especially when she goes back to Ki Bum’s (Ahn Seung Kyoon) place all bruised and cut up.

But, we then see that she’s secured the receipt that she’d wanted, and that he had written the condition that she had demanded. And, we also see that her pinky is badly bruised, trembling and bloody.

That’s when it clicked into place in my head: she had beaten him back, and beaten him badly enough, that he had agreed to write that condition on the receipt, even though he clearly had stated that he wouldn’t.

That experience, of having the realization dawn on me, is quite special.

Dramas are rarely subtle, and that felt refreshing and slightly thrilling, that Show would let me come to the conclusion myself, without shouting the information at me, or pointing to it with flashing neon lights.

Episode 15

The scene when Ji An tunes in to listen to Dong Hoon, one last time, is just so well done.

As wistful music plays in the background, she hears the sound of his breathing, the sound of his footsteps, the sound of the train clanging past him.

And then, as she listens, she taps on the uninstall button on her phone. Suddenly, the sounds of Dong Hoon’s world stop, and her world goes silent, as a single tear falls from her eye.

As the music continues to play, the sounds of Dong Hoon’s world are momentarily muted for us too, before eventually resuming.

In that moment, the shift feels palpable. Dong Hoon is finally walking on his own again, with no one privy to the sounds of his footsteps. Just, so very well done.

[END SPOILER]

CHARACTERS

I find this drama world interesting because on the one hand, I feel like all of the characters are real people and therefore deserve a moment in the spotlight. Yet, at the same time, I feel like Dong Hoon and Ji An are all that matter to me. Kinda funny how that works, eh?

In this section, I’ll be talking about Dong Hoon and Ji An (of course), and I’ll also be giving the quick spotlight to several other characters.

And I just wanted to say that just because a character gets a mention, doesn’t make them any more special than the others. I just couldn’t cover ’em all, in this review.

Lee Sun Kyun as Dong Hoon

Lee Sun Kyun is, in a word, wonderful, as Dong Hoon. His delivery of Dong Hoon is understated and restrained, yet fully expressive and nuanced.

Every little detail of his being – from his micro-expressions, to his body language, to the tones of his voice, to even his breathing pattern – comes together to make Dong Hoon pop as a real, living human being, instead of simply a character on a page.

In particular, I felt like Lee Sun Kyun’s famously deep and gorgeously buttery voice added a very special gentleness to Dong Hoon.

No matter how frustrating his circumstances, or how trying the people around him, Dong Hoon’s voice almost always remained gentle and even, and that evenness sounded effortless and easy, like honeyed velvet, instead of strained and deliberate.

I appreciated that detail a lot, because to my eyes (or more accurately, to my ears), Dong Hoon appeared all the more genuine in the patience and kindness that he showed to the people around him.

He’s kind, in spite of it all

When we meet Dong Hoon in episode 1, his life is not fun at all.

[SPOILER ALERT]

His wife (Lee Ji Ah) is cheating on him; his boss (Kim Young Min) is sleeping with his wife; his boss is out to get him fired; people around him are watching, and he appears pitiful to them.

[END SPOILERS]

Yet, through it all, instead of lashing out at the people around him, Dong Hoon continues to stick to his principles, and we see his kindness leak out to all and sundry, whether they were his closest friends, or almost strangers.

[SPOILER ALERT]

We see it right away in episode 1, in the way he extends himself to help his bum older brother Sang Hoon, even though he’s not doing so great himself, and also, in the way he buys the tomatoes (the subs say tomatoes, though the packet does look like persimmons) that Ji An puts back, hoping to give them to her.

She’s no one to him at this point; just a colleague who hasn’t spoken much to him at all.

But he sees that she’s not doing great, and when he sees a chance to help her out a little bit, he takes it quickly.

[END SPOILER]

These were the things that told me immediately, that Dong Hoon is innately a good person, and I wanted to be there for him, as he journeyed through the necessary obstacles, towards a better future.

[SPOILER ALERT]

In the next couple of sections, I’d just like to talk about the various facets to Dong Hoon, as well as a scene or two, that really left an impression on me.

He’s a good boss

One of the things I really enjoyed about Dong Hoon, is that he’s a good boss.

He leads by example, and we see this right away in episode 1, in the way that he personally climbs up the very tall, very dangerous water tower to take the crack measurements, when the drone fails because the weather is too cold.

I really liked the fact that Dong Hoon is not only serious about his job and very good at it, but he also coaches his team on the regular, like we see in episode 9.

The way he guides them through the analysis of the building by asking pertinent questions to direct their thinking, is a sign of a good coach who’s interested in imparting knowledge and wisdom.

In episode 12, I love that Dong Hoon goes back to work after his duties are over at the hotel cram session.

It’s late, and he’s tired, but he won’t let his team work through the night without him. It’s no wonder they are so loyal to him. (He should’ve shown up with food though. That would’ve taken it to the next level, I say.)

I absolutely loved the scene of the entire team running for the last train together, afterwards. Aw. This is the stuff that builds bonds, and I love that he’s right there at the forefront, creating those memories and those bonds, with his team.

The excitement and happiness of Dong Hoon’s team, when they read the notice of his selection in episode 14, and the heartfelt hugs that automatically go out, is evidence of just how much his team genuinely respects and loves him.

When he cares, he cares with all his being

In episode 9, when Dong Hoon realizes that Ji An’s been regularly beaten up by the loan sharks, Dong Hoon goes to Kwang Il and confronts him with fire in his eyes and a waver in his voice, and a deep pain in his heart, that became more and more visible as his confrontation with Kwang Il wore on.

The way he loses it, as he demands to know why Kwang Il would beat a child like her; the way he pauses, as the information that Ji An killed Kwang Il’s father sinks in; the way he bursts out, that he would’ve killed him too, in her place.

So much raw emotion, as Dong Hoon wrestles with Kwang Il with everything that he’s got.

It’s deep-hitting, in an almost animalistic sort of way, and it’s no wonder that Ji An freezes where she’s standing, as she listens to it all, and slowly collapses on her feet, unable to fight the tight, heaving sobs that have been pent up for so long.

AUGH. Such a raw, viscerally affecting scene.

And Dong Hoon is absolutely serious about helping Ji An with the debt, too. He’s all beat up and bleeding, and yet, as Kwang Il walks away, Dong Hoon still asks about how much Ji An owes.

Not getting his answer from Kwang Il, Dong Hoon later blurts out to Ji An that he knows about her debt, and asks her how much she owes.

To me, this really demonstrates how badly Dong Hoon wants to help Ji An, and how much he feels for her, in her situation.

Another thing that left a deep impression on me, is how, later in the same episode, Dong Hoon still helps out and piggybacks Ji An’s grandmother (Son Sook) down the slope from her house, to help Ji An transfer her to the assisted living facility.

This, while his body must still be hurting like crazy from the fight that he’d had with Kwang Il. To me, that says so much about how much compassion he has in his heart, for Ji An and her grandmother.

He is wise

In episode 10, during his cram session with the directors on his side, they pressure him to say that part of the reason he wants to become a director is so that he can bring Do Joon Young down. I just love what Dong Hoon says in response:

“I don’t want to include that bastard in any part of my life. And I’m even wondering if I need to face off against him at all.

I think it’d be too generous of me to even make moves just for the sake of bringing someone like him down. I don’t want to concern myself at all with whether or not a bastard like him becomes a failure.”

YES. That’s how you exert power in your own life, and disallow that power from getting in the hands of those who don’t deserve it. Dong Hoon refuses to give Do Joon Young the power to have any effect on his life, and I respect him so much for that.

The scene that really got me

In episode 11, when Yoon Hee finally kneels downs and apologizes, Dong Hoon’s reaction really hit me in the gut. He basically loses it, and in between punching his knuckles bloody on the door, brokenly heaves out what he’s been hiding in his heart all this time:

“Why did you do it? … Why did you do it?” … “Why did it have to be him? Why him?”

“How could you do that with him?” … “How could you do that?”

“Why did you do that? Why?” … “As soon as you cheated on me with that bastard… you pronounced me dead. Because you thought it was okay for me to be treated that way. That was you saying that I’m worthless and that I should just die.”

Oof. So much raw, pulsating hurt, pouring out of such a huge gaping wound, finally pried open.

Major props to Lee Sun Kyun. By the time I reached the end of the scene, I felt like my heart was a gaping wound, too.

[END SPOILERS]

IU as Ji An

I must say that I was very impressed with IU in this. She plays Ji An with a jadedness and melancholy that suits the character quite perfectly. Additionally, IU’s small frame and small hands give Ji An an overall feeling of fragility as well, even though she acts tough.

In the beginning of the show, I admit that I wondered if IU appeared good in the role, because the writing didn’t require Ji An to show much emotion in the earlier episodes.

All we see, for the most part (in the beginning of the show, anyway), is a deadness in her eyes. However, I’m happy to say that my earlier suspicion was heartily proven wrong.

By the later episodes, Ji An starts to show more range and depth of emotion, and there were even a couple of scenes where I was completely sucked in, and quite gutted, by IU’s delivery of Ji An’s pain.

Character-wise, we quickly learn that Ji An is ballsy, and is probably forced to be so because of the tight corners she finds herself in.

[SPOILER ALERT]

Smuggling her grandmother, hospital bed and all, out of the hospital and onto the street, is quite something.

Provoking the debt collector Kwang Il to beat her up, in order to prevent him from seeing her vulnerable grandmother, is something too.

[END SPOILER] 

Ji An often looks like she’s the living dead, but when I think about it, she is amazingly tenacious, and in that sense, you could say that her thirst for life might be greater than the average person.

It’s just that circumstances have sucked her so dry, that she often looks and sounds like she has barely any strength left, to carry on living.

And yet, she does just that. No matter what comes her way, she just keeps on finding a way, and carries on living. There’s just something deeply admirable, about that.

[SPOILER ALERT]

In the next few sections, I’d like to talk about the various aspects of Ji An that I grew to appreciate.

She’s not a bad person

Through most of our story, we see Ji An doing things which are morally questionable.

But each time I wanted to take Ji An to task for being unfair, for stealing the money out of Dong Hoon’s drawer, for putting Dong Hoon in a bad spot, I saw how painfully hard her life was, and I felt like I could understand why she would do the things she did, and why she would be so emotionally withdrawn; dead, almost.

Ji An was always just looking for a way to survive; a way to get money to pay off Kwang Il, so that he would stop beating her up, and stop threatening the safety of her grandmother. She wasn’t ever a bad person driven by bad intentions. She was a person driven by desperation.

She’s fast, and smart

Ji An demonstrates her quick-wittedness on a regular basis, over the course of the show. She is quick to snatch the opportunities that are presented to her, and it’s quite impressive.

We see this in episode 2, in the way she topples the crates onto the car, to create a distraction, when she sees the truck parked next to the loan sharks’ car. And then when the distraction is successfully created, she nips in and steals the money back.

And then later, when Do Joon Young’s other phone keeps on buzzing in the elevator, she takes it out of his coat pocket without the bat of an eye, and then texts him to instruct him how to get it back from her. So ballsy.

And then there’s the time in episode 3, where she goes about achieving the task she’s promised Do Joon Young, like she’s some kind of secret agent.

The quick reflexes, the way she installed the bug on Dong Hoon’s phone, the way Director Park was set up to miss his meeting. It all came together so impressively that I found myself thinking that she’s wasted as a temp in this drama world; she ought to be a ninja spy.

She does care

On the surface, Ji An looks as if she doesn’t care about anything or anyone.

Early on, like in episode 5, I’d started hoping that Ji An would make a choice to protect Dong Hoon, instead of working to make him lose his job. But in that instance, she doesn’t.

The thing, though, is when Ji An thinks that Dong Hoon is in serious danger of dying in the cold, as he lays there in the snow, she runs towards him with urgency.

She does care, underneath it all.

When she cares, she cares with all of her being

The thing is, when Ji An cares, she cares completely and fully.

By episode 10, Ji An is on Dong Hoon’s side, and works with all she has, to protect him from the various traps that Do Joon Young has set for him.

This episode, I wondered at first, why Ji An would overtake the stalker and give the stalker full view of her interactions with Dong Hoon, but it eventually became clear to me. She did it so that she could create a scene where Dong Hoon would be seen rejecting her.

She chose to sacrifice the precious closeness she’d built with him – an act that must’ve killed her so bad, on the inside – in order to protect him. Augh.

She responds to love

Over time, I realized that with Ji An, it’s always kindness that breaks through the prickly shell she’s erected around herself.

In episode 12, by the time Dong Hoon’s gang of friends say goodbye to her, their kindness has leaked onto her heart enough that she feels touched; affected. Her deep bow, and simple “thank you” is right from the heart.

She really is grateful, for the warmth, unquestioning acceptance and kindness that she felt, while walking with them.

In the same episode, when the board of directors call her in for questioning, she speaks from her heart, about the warmth and kindness that Dong Hoon has shown her, and how much that has meant to her.

“I got used to being neglected… so I didn’t expect much from other people and I never tried hard to hear praise from other people. But now… I want to do a good job.

I don’t know if the fact that I like someone… will produce an unfavorable outcome… but even if you fire me today… I’ve been treated like a human being for the first time. And I thought… that I could be a decent person after all while working here.

So I’ll always… be thankful to Manager Park. In the three months that I’ve worked here… I’ve felt warmer than I’ve ever felt in my 21 years. Whenever I pass by and see this building, I’m happy… and I’ll always… wish the best for Saman E&C.”

So heartfelt, and coming from what must have seemed to the Board, like the most unlikely person.

She’s unabashedly honest

One of my favorite things about Ji An is that she’s got a strong honest streak.

She might be strongly reticent and not say much, but she answers truthfully, even when it’s awkward. Like in episode 12, when Yoon Hee calls to ask Ji An if she really does like Dong Hoon, she unflinchingly answers, “yes.” I had to admire that about her.

[END SPOILERS]

Lee Ji Ah as Yoon Hee

For the record, Yoon Hee was not one of my favorite characters. But I did find her interesting enough to want to discuss her character, for a little bit.

[SPOILER ALERT]

From what Show reveals to us, it seems that Yoon Hee has always been unhappy at how Dong Hoon hasn’t been able to distance himself from his family, thus making her feel lonely and neglected. And this is how she rationalizes her affair with Do Young Joon.

But in reality, isn’t she also at fault, for expecting that of him?

At least in Korea’s context – and in much of Asia and in other parts of the world too – marriage is considered a joining of families, not just of the individuals.

When she married Dong Hoon, she should have been prepared to accept his family too, including how they would take up space in her life.

Instead, she puts Dong Hoon in that uncomfortable position where he has to show up in front of his family without her, and make excuses for her. Even that scene in episode 7, where Dong Hoon asks if she can make time to visit his brothers’ new cleaning company, is telling.

She declines and makes an excuse, and he looks disappointed, albeit not surprised. That right there, is an example of how it’s probably always been, with them and the issue of his family. It’s no wonder that his mother isn’t all that happy with this daughter-in-law.

All Yoon Hee seems to want is a romantic relationship devoid of context; that’s why she comes alive so much when she’s on a rendezvous with Do Joon Young.

Theirs is a secret relationship that cannot exist with a context. But for as long as they keep meeting in secret, there is a space for her to enjoy what she wants most out of a relationship.

I am very sure that if she were ever to try to put context in that relationship with Do Joon Young, like pursue marriage, or any kind of recognition or legitimacy, things would very quickly go south for them.

Sang Hoon’s estranged wife Young Joo (Jo Ae Ryun) is the opposite of that.

Even though she isn’t even on speaking terms with Sang Hoon and has threatened him with divorce, she continues to spend time with her mother-in-law, and brings her kimchi when it’s nearing her birthday, so that she can have the kimchi with her birthday meal.

That just goes to show, that this daughter-in-law has truly come to see her mother-in-law as family, and not just as her husband’s mother.

Yoon Hee is short and impatient with Dong Hoon – and then, when Ji An flatly informs her in episode 10, that Dong Hoon knows about her affair, she becomes all scared, tearful and sorry.

So, it was ok to snap at him and get impatient with him, when he didn’t know? It shouldn’t work that way. I was not at all moved by Yoon Hee’s tears, because her tears were always more about herself than about how she’d hurt Dong Hoon.

Yoon Hee’s spiel in episode 12, about how lonely she felt, and how she finally realized that she couldn’t change Dong Hoon, sums up the whole problem.

She couldn’t accept him as he was, and she couldn’t accept his relationship with his family and friends, and she thought she would finally be happy when she was able to change him. If that was the case, she shouldn’t have married him.

She would have known how close he was, to his family and neighborhood friends. She should have been prepared to be a part of them too, if she was going to marry him.

To my eyes, Yoon Hee brought all of her problems on herself – and dragged Dong Hoon down along with her.

She married Dong Hoon without accepting his relationship with his family and friends, and instead of working out a compromise with him, she made herself miserable while piling the blame squarely on him – and then she had an affair, where she was, at one point, working to get her husband out of a job, while planning to divorce him as well. How awful.

All in all, I didn’t have any sympathy for Yoon Hee.

[END SPOILERS]

Quick shout-outs:

1. Go Doo Shim as Mom

I loved Mom. For all her gruff ways, she cares intensely for all her sons.

I really liked the little detail in episode 5, where Mom is shown packing food for Sang Hoon and Ki Hoon, because they couldn’t afford to buy themselves good lunches. She prepares the lunchboxes with so much care – and with thoughtful extras like fried eggs – in order to boost their morale. So sweet.

[SPOILER ALERT]

And then in episode 14, when Mom hears the news that Dong Hoon has been promoted to Director, the way she squeals with laughter and happy tears, and flaps her hands about as she hugs her sons, is the cutest, most adorable thing, and it literally brought tears to my eyes to see how proud and happy she was.

[END SPOILER]

2. Son Sook as Gran

I also really loved Ji An’s grandmother, she’s just such a sweet, loving and gentle character. She’s been through so much, and yet, she maintains such a grateful attitude.

[SPOILER ALERT]

Like when she ate the meal Ji An brought back, in episode 7. Or the time she got to go out and see the moon – even though she was brought there in possibly the most uncomfortable manner possible.

In episode 10, Gran writing out her thanks to Dong Hoon, and then touching her forehead to his hand, is such a tender, raw moment.

She is so deeply grateful for everything that Dong Hoon has done for her and Ji An, and that gratitude is palpable from every fiber of her being. We should all strive to be as grateful as Gran. ❤️

[END SPOILER]

3. Kim Young Min as Do Joon Young

Do Joon Young is a total coward of a character, and was a bad guy that I loved to hate. To that end, I thought Kim Young Min did a very good job of making him so pompous and yet so weak, at the same time.

[SPOILER ALERT]

One of my favorite Joon Young moments is in episode 10, when Joon Young realizes that he’s being tailed, just like he’s been having Dong Hoon tailed.

I found it oh-so-satisfying to see his horrified shifty-eyed expression, as the information sinks in. Tee hee. GLEEFUL ME.

[END SPOILER]

Also, on a complete tangent, it amused me to see Joon Young signing his name in episode 14, coz that’s when I realized that his name in hanja – 俊永 – means forever handsome. Ha. And, snerk.

RELATIONSHIPS

The relationships in our story are the lifeblood of this drama world, and I wanted to give the spotlight to at least a few of the key relationships in the show.

Dong Hoon & his brothers

These brothers. They argue and they grumble about one another so much.

But they are all heart, and they care about one another, intensely, even though they would never admit it. This brotherly bond grew on me a whole lot, over the course of the show.

By series’ end, I found this brotherhood one of the most moving, among the relationships in this drama world.

[SPOILER ALERT]

In episode 4, Sang Hoon seems all out of sorts, and it later comes out, that he’d been treated like dirt, while trying his best to earn an honest living, by a passerby who seemed to think that cleaners didn’t deserve the time of day.

That is so heartbreaking, and to make it worse, Mom sees it all, and then cries by herself at home.

When Ki Hoon hears what happened to Hyung, he rages off, shouting that he’ll kill the guy who did it. And Dong Hoon then runs after him and forcibly back-wrestles him with all his strength, to keep him from hurting himself.

It’s all very dramatic, with shouting and flailing and scuffling, and it takes practically all of Dong Hoon’s strength, to keep Ki Hoon in check.

I think the reason that these brothers allow themselves to go a little crazy, is because they trust their other brothers to hold them back when push comes to shove.

They know that they won’t be allowed to hurt themselves, even when they can’t think straight enough to make that call for themselves. That’s a deep kind of trust, which I found touching.

I loved the little tidbit in episode 12, that Mom lets slip, that since they were little, the 3 brothers would all be in a bad mood, if just one of them was struggling with something.

That really endeared them to me. In my head, they’re like triplets, born several years apart, they’re so connected.

And now in adulthood, that interconnectedness still shows. In episode 13, when Sang Hoon and Ki Hoon realize the truth, that Yoon Hee’s been cheating on Dong Hoon, both brothers are as devastated as if they were the ones being cheated on.

In particular, Ki Hoon seems to take Dong Hoon’s pain so personally that he feels the need to lash out at himself; it’s like if Dong Hoon is hurting, then he should hurt too.

Later, Ki Hoon doesn’t even call his brand-new girlfriend, nor even seem to remember that they’re supposed to meet at the bar. Dong Hoon is more important to him, hands down.

In episode 15, we see it again, when Ki Hoon consciously wants to commiserate with Dong Hoon and be sad too, because Dong Hoon is sad.

He even asks Yoo Ra (Nara) to break up with him for just 3 days. And he does it all with an utterly miserable look on his face, while claiming that he absolutely does not love his brother.

Heh. It’s all very cute, while being very sad-sweet, all at the same time.

[END SPOILER]

Dong Hoon’s neighborhood pals

Dong Hoon’s gang of neighborhood pals go back a long way – all of their lifetimes, literally – and the deep bond and connection shows.

While some (like Yoon Hee) would argue that these people see way too much of one another, I found the matter-of-fact way that these people built their lives around one another very heartwarming.

They bicker everyday and rib one another all the friggin’ time, but when push comes to shove, they are so there, for one of their own.

[SPOILER ALERT]

In episode 9, when the gang hears that Dong Hoon is being considered for a promotion to Director, they all celebrate so delightedly, it’s as if each one of them got promoted too. This, even though each of them admits to being failures, in general.

There is no sense of jealousy that Dong Hoon might become more successful than they. Instead, they are just bursting-at-the-seams proud of him, and it’s the sweetest thing.

In episode 10, when the gang hears that Dong Hoon’s been beaten, I love how everyone dashes out like they’re mad people, to fight back on his behalf, if they could just find the guy who beat him.

These people have turned their neighborhood into a bona fide community, and I love that.

In episode 14, when Gyeom Deok (Park Hae Joon) calls Dong Hoon, worried about Jung Hee (Oh Na Ra), Dong Hoon calls his brothers.

But both brothers are at work, and so he calls his mother, who has the key to the bar, and Mom goes out like a champion to save the day, by showing Jung Hee some tough love, and getting her out of bed to eat a meal.

And so it is, that Dong Hoon can report back to Gyeom Deok that Jung Hee is ok, and he doesn’t need to worry. Aw.

I love too, how welcoming this community is, of Ji An. In episode 15, when they are introduced to her at the bar, they greet her readily, and pour out care easily.

They surround her with warmth, laughter and acceptance. And then there’s Jung Hee, who instantly treats Ji An like the best friend she’s been waiting for, for years. Best of all, this isn’t a once-off thing.

The gang continues to care for and accept Ji An, all the way to the very end, even though they haven’t known her for very long. Just the fact that she’s Dong Hoon’s friend is good enough for them.

It’s no wonder that Ji An muses that if she were to be reborn again, that she’d like to be reborn into this neighborhood.

I mean, I kinda feel like I wouldn’t mind being born into this neighborhood too, heh.

[END SPOILER]

Ki Hoon & Yoo Ra [SPOILERS]

I decided to do a quick spotlight on the relationship between Ki Hoon and Yoo Ra, partly because of just how weird I found it all, at first.

I found it weird that Ki Hoon would go back to her apartment and give her his name card, so that she could call him directly if she needed help cleaning up her puke mess.

I also found it weird that after she identified Ki Hoon as the director she’d worked with previously, she’d proceed to keep thanking him for failing.

In stages, though, I began to see this potential loveline in a more plausible light.

In episode 7, when Yoo Ra explained her very weird statement, that she likes Ki Hoon because he’s a failure.

I mean, seriously, girl has some deep communication issues, if that’s the only way she knows to say that she likes Ki Hoon because he’s shown her that it’s ok to fail, and that you can still be happy and lead a decent life, if you fail.

But, it did make her attraction to Ki Hoon easier to understand.

On the downside, I didn’t care for Yoo Ra’s attitude, at least in the early days of this loveline. In episode 8, she blames Ki Hoon for losing the carefree happy attitude she used to have, and blames him for the fear that she experiences around acting. And she expects him to fix her.

I mean, maybe Ki Hoon has a part to play for how she turned out, because he was involved in the experiences she had, but in my mind, you can’t expect someone else to fix you. That’s your own responsibility.

You need to do what is good for yourself, and find the healing that you need, after getting roughed up by the world. You can’t shove yourself into someone’s face and cry and demand that they fix you. That doesn’t work.

In the end, it was Ki Hoon’s confession in episode 12 that changed the way I looked at this maybe-couple.

That outburst of deep-reaching, gut-wrenching, soul-ripping honesty from Ki Hoon, about the truth behind what happened when he directed Yoo Ra; that he’d taken his fear of failure out on her. I didn’t see it coming, but afterwards it all made sense to me.

Why Ki Hoon went back that day, to offer Yoo Ra his name card, so that she could call whenever she needed help cleaning the stairwell. Why he agreed to help straighten her out, even though it looked like she was just a bad actress with seriously displaced gratitude issues.

Why he continued to be patient with her, even though it didn’t look at all logical to do so.

It was from this point onwards, that I began to feel like these two people fit together. They’d seen all the flaws and shortcomings and ugliness of each other, and chose to like each other anyway.

That’s a sentiment that I will always get behind, and so, even though Show gives these two people an open-ended result in terms of their relationship, I like to think that these two will always find their way back to each other, somehow.

Dong Hoon & Ji An

When I stopped to consider how to tackle this section of the review, I came to the conclusion that the best way I can talk about the relationship between Dong Hoon and Ji An, is to reflect it the way I – and they – experienced it, as a journey.

Over the course of the show, Dong Hoon and Ji An come such a long way, that where we leave them at the end, makes where we find them at the beginning, feel like a whole evolution away.

They begin our story as strangers, but by the time we reach the end of our story, they are – without a shadow of a doubt – kindred spirits; soulmates, in a manner of speaking.

I very much enjoyed watching these two people connect more and more, during the journey of our story.

For the record, I didn’t even think of the possibility of romance, between these two characters.

In fact, I’m so pleased that Show chose to treat their connection with as little romantic emotion as possible. I found it somehow deeper-hitting, purer, even, that they were kindred spirits, able to draw strength simply from the solidarity that the other provides.

[SPOILER ALERT]

The basis of their connection

The entire foundation of the connection between Dong Hoon and Ji An, is that they each see the pain and struggle that the other is in, and recognize it, viscerally.

In episode 4, Dong Hoon says of Ji An, “I’m sad that she knows who I am.” Oof.

I found that statement so penetrating. He sees her, and she sees him. And, that, to me, is the the whole basis of their connection.

Stages of realization

Because Ji An has wiretapped Dong Hoon’s phone in order to fulfill her mission of getting him fired, she gains early and deep access into Dong Hoon’s life and his entire mind and way of being.

Therefore, it made sense to me that she was the one who realized earlier, how much Dong Hoon was affecting her, versus him realizing how much she was affecting him.

An early incident that felt significant to me, is in episode 4.

After seeing the tears and heartbreak of his brothers and his mother over how Sang Hoon was disrespected while at work, Dong Hoon takes a fruit basket to reason with the man who was rude, and then, when left with no other option, he takes his hammer and basically rips out the guy’s walls while telling him exactly what’s wrong with the construction.

I thought that was pretty badass. That move effectively made the guy take the fruit basket to Sang Hoon to apologize, while quaking in his boots.

After the confrontation, though, Dong Hoon needs to stop somewhere to recover from it all. The ragged, overwhelmed, emotional breaths that Dong Hoon has to stop to take; it’s all so raw, and so intimate, and Ji An hears everything.

All that hidden inner badassery, and all that vulnerable, raw emotion, laid out bare. This was the moment where I felt that Ji An had no other option but to see Dong Hoon in a new light, if she was at all human.

She runs to him

It was very gratifying to see Ji An connect more and more with Dong Hoon, in spite of herself. The way she ran, hard, in episode 7, to get to the bar, just because she heard him ask the bartender if she’d been by, says so much.

She is happy that he asked after her, she’s happy to know that in such a time as this – when his life is in serious flux – he would think to connect with her.

Afterwards, it was really nice to see Ji An and Dong Hoon smile at each other for the first time, while both trying to politely match beer-chugging paces with each other, only to be dorks about it. So cute. ❤️

He looks for her

Dong Hoon soon finds himself looking for Ji An too, on his way home.

In episode 9, it says so much, that Dong Hoon would basically go kill time at the supermarket, so that he can run into Ji An on her way back, after she’s missed a stop.

And Ji An mirrors that exactly, with how she runs to the station exit, hoping to find Dong Hoon somehow. And what do they get, after all that? A brisk walk together, a brief conversation, and quick goodbyes.

It doesn’t seem like a lot. And yet, that means enough to each of them, for them to bend themselves over backwards for. That says a lot, about how much they value time with each other.

Forging strong bonds

The thing that moved me the most during my entire watch, was seeing how much Dong Hoon and Ji An come to value and care for each other, as well as how much they affect each other, often without even realizing it.

Here, I’d like to gather a series of highlights which spoke to me about how the connection between these two people evolved, and how, when their words often didn’t say much, their actions always said far more than enough.

E7. “Ahjumma. Get it together, before your entire life is ruined.”

The more Ji An actively gets involved in Dong Hoon’s affairs, over and above what Joon Young is paying her to do, the more it becomes clear that she cares about Dong Hoon.

In episode 7, the way she literally throws herself in front of Yoon Hee’s car, and risks serious injury, just to let her hear the recording of what Joon Young had said about why he was dating her, says so much.

She’s putting her personal safety at risk, for Dong Hoon’s sake. She sees that Dong Hoon is trying to preserve his marriage, and so she’s sticking her nose in at Yoon Hee’s end, to try to make that happen, for his sake.

She literally puts his desires, needs and well-being above her own, and I found that very moving to witness indeed.

E8. “Fighting”

In episode 8, after sharing a meal, a drink, a walk, and deep philosophical conversations about life and what it means to live, as they say goodbye to each other, Ji An adds, “fighting.”

Her voice is small, and it sounds like she almost falters a little bit, while uttering the syllables, but Dong Hoon acknowledges the message and receives it with a slight smile.

Just that one word, “fighting,” probably means so much to Dong Hoon’s weary spirit. And trust Ji An to be the one to know exactly how he feels.

E11. “Buy me another pair of slippers”

In episode 11, suspicion about the nature of Dong Hoon’s relationship with Ji An starts to swell in the office.

During one of their walks home, Ji An instructs Dong Hoon to fire her, to protect himself. I love that this says so much about how she truly does care for him, never mind what she tells Joon Young.

What I love even more, is how Dong Hoon basically refuses to fire her, and refuses to be awkward around her, and insists that she buy him another pair of slippers, to replace the pair that she took back.

The look in Ji An’s eyes, as she realizes that Dong Hoon just will not let her remove herself from his life, is one of stunned surprise, and I think, at the same time, gratitude.

It’s clear that neither of them wants to cut ties with the other, and it feels like they’re both a little relieved that they aren’t doing that, that evening.

E12. “You are a good person, absolutely.”

In episode 12, Ji An is summoned to be interviewed for Dong Hoon’s possible promotion. The way she speaks up for Dong Hoon in front of the directors, it’s crystal clear that she’s telling the truth, from her heart.

Underneath that silent, deadpan facade, she really does feel all those things. That moves me, so much. In his kindness to Ji An, Dong Hoon had sown so many seeds of life, and in this moment, we get to see those seeds come to fruition.

The scene of Ji An and Dong Hoon having a quiet drink together afterwards, is perfect. It’s subdued, they don’t say much, but the little that is said, comes deep from the heart, and hits deep in the heart.

“You are a decent person, absolutely.” … “You are a good person, absolutely.”

The tears sheening subtly in both their eyes, say it all. Oof.

Later, when Dong Hoon returns home and Yoon Hee asks where he’s coming from, he replies that he had dinner with a friend. That’s significant, in my eyes.

He didn’t say colleague; this is the first time he’s referred to Ji An as a friend, and I think this is the moment that Dong Hoon becomes cognizant that he sees Ji An as more than just a colleague.

E13. Mutual safety buoys

In episode 13, the tension and complexities around Dong Hoon’s promotion swirl to a boil, and at the same time, Ji An disappears.

Augh. This is the moment when I can feel the intensity of Dong Hoon’s visceral affinity for Ji An ramping up to almost boiling point. As the tension around him increases, he realizes more and more, that her presence and solidarity provides him with stability.

She’s like his safety buoy. She keeps him afloat, just by being close by. And he is becoming more and more fiercely protective of her, the more cognizant he becomes of that.

The way he kept such a calm, even tone during his interview, all the way until Director Yoon (Jung Jae Sung) started to try to stir things up by using Ji An’s criminal record against her. The way Dong Hoon spoke up in defense of her, is so full of fire and compassion.

And then the first thing he asks, once he leaves the interview room, is whether or not his team has managed to contact Ji An. It’s almost like he can’t breathe if she’s not nearby.

And as Ji An prepares to leave, I feel like she feels the same way.

The main reason she’s dragged her feet in running away, is because she can’t bear to leave Dong Hoon behind. I think, the very thought of not seeing him anymore, of possibly not being able to listen to his every breath, just about kills her.

The intensity with which each of them needs the other, really hit me hard, this episode, and I wanted Dong Hoon and Ji An to just be together, and be around each other, and be besties, forever.

E14. The pain of goodbye

They say that you don’t know how much someone means to you until you lose them. This is never truer than in episode 14, when Dong Hoon and Ji An are cut off from each other.

It’s painful to watch Ji An’s call to say goodbye to Dong Hoon. The way she chooses to hang up, feels deliberate, like she’s forcing herself to do it.

And then, when she plugs back in to listen in on Dong Hoon, all we hear is ragged, uneven breathing, and that is just so raw, it hurts. He’s trying to hold it in, but it’s hit him hard. He’s lost his life buoy, and he finds it difficult to deal.

Afterwards, Dong Hoon realizes that Ji An really has changed her number. That look in Dong Hoon’s eyes; he looks so lost, like he truly has no idea what to do now. Oof. This, from a guy who’s just received the biggest promotion of his life.

Ji An has become so critical to his sense of well-being, that even this promotion doesn’t feel right, or even that amazing, when she’s not there.

E14. The choice to trust

In episode 14, Dong Hoon finally discovers that Ji An had been wiretapping his phone.

In the midst of unraveling information, in the midst of shock, in the midst of processing what must have felt like betrayal, and just way too much surprising information out of the blue, it moves me so much, that Dong Hoon chooses to believe in Ji An.

Instead of believing that she was on Joon Young’s side, he meets Joon Young, just to ask him what he did to Ji An.

Instead of using the wiretapping to his advantage like ex-Director Park (Jung Hae Kyun) said they should, Dong Hoon uses the wire tapping to get a message through to Ji An. “Call me.”

That’s the thing that gets me about Dong Hoon and Ji An. In the face of all the pressure to do otherwise, they choose to believe in each other. That just hits me right in the heart.

Dong Hoon’s shivery, ragged breathing; the pauses between words, as he takes an extra breath; it’s so clear that Dong Hoon’s mind is whirling, and he’s processing, and this is taking a lot of out him. But yet, he says to Ji An, “It’s okay. Call me.” Augh.

E15. The road to reconciliation

In episode 15, while she’s on the run, Ji An remembers what Dong Hoon had said to Assistant Manager Kim after he found out that Kim had talked trash about Dong Hoon behind his back. “Apologize ten times.”

I love the idea that Ji An has learned so much about Dong Hoon while listening in on him, that she knows that an apology is what he would ask for, and that he would ultimately forgive her.

I love how that realization sinks into her, and how her defenses start to break down, even as she starts to apologize out loud, as she crumples to the ground, right there in the middle of the street.

Later, when Dong Hoon finally finds Ji An after a tip-off from her cleaner friend Choon Dae (Lee Young Suk), I love how wisely and sensitively Dong Hoon handles the situation.

He opens the door gently, and when Ji An realizes he’s in the room and recoils from him, and instinctively starts speaking harshly and saying he should’ve never been nice to her, he thanks her. He thanks her that even after listening to how pathetic his life was, she still took his side. Oof.

That speaks again, to that theme that is so close to my heart: we all want to be accepted.

We all want to be accepted without having to pretend. We all want to be assured that in spite of all our flaws and shortcomings, we are not judged, but accepted.

And Ji An gave that to Dong Hoon, without even realizing it, and Dong Hoon now thanks her for it, with tears glistening in his eyes.

Augh. My heart.

[END SPOILER]

DOES SHOW HAVE ANY SHORTCOMINGS?

To be honest, when I look over this show and ask myself whether Show has any flaws worth mentioning, there is only one thing that I think was a misstep.

[SPOILER ALERT]

In episode 3, the way Ji An and Ki Bum orchestrate Director Park Dong Woon’s abduction is the stuff of heists. The thing is, Ki Bum trails Director Park to the hostess club, and it’s only when he gets there, that he calls Ji An to inform her of the location.

Which means that neither he nor Ji An knew in advance that this was where Director Park was having his meeting.

Yet, we soon see that Kim Bum already has the club’s exact uniform on, under his hoodie, so that he can take off his hoodie and easily blend in as a waiter. This seemed like an oversight, to me.

[END SPOILER]

THEMES & IDEAS

Show’s left me with a bunch of themes and ideas swirling in my head and spinning in my heart. Here’s a quick list of the ones that left the deepest impressions on me:

The idea of pretending not to know, when you’ve heard something bad said about someone. It’s about preserving the dignity of the other person, and that’s a concept I find moving, somehow.

The idea of what it means to be human. Ji An, saying that listening to all of Dong Hoon’s sounds made her feel like she knew what it was like to be human, for the first time. This show really is about humanity.

How we as humans operate, with regards to wrongdoing and guilt.

“How can I do this, when I know that you know?”

Yoon Hee felt the same way about being around Dong Hoon while cheating on him, and Ji An felt the same, about listening in on Dong Hoon, when she knew that he knew she was listening.

The theme of acceptance, in spite of it all. The idea of not being judged, and instead, being accepted in spite of all our flaws.

The triumph of kindness over evil; the healing effect of forgiveness; the liberty born of solidarity.

The power of community.

The hope of new beginnings.

THOUGHTS ON THE ENDING [SPOILERS]

What a bittersweet finale, that manages to make my heart feel bereft, like I’ve been sucker-punched, and yet leaves in its wake a trail of hope, and even a sense of.. satisfaction? Yes, it hurts. so. good. – but it still hurts. And yet, I want more.

When Ji An’s grandmother passes away, Ji An calls Dong Hoon, just like he had instructed her to do, before, and I love how he is just there, for her, through the entire process, through all of her grief.

I love how Dong Hoon’s community basically shows up, and absorbs Ji An as one of their own. I love how it’s not just lip service; the warmth is real, and the concern, sincere.

Later, Dong Hoon accompanies Ji An to the police station, where she turns herself in, and Yoon Hee serves as her lawyer. I appreciate that through it all, Dong Hoon is consistently kind and gentle, and also, maintains complete decorum.

Afterwards, when everything is settled – I loved Kwang Il’s turnaround, triggered by Ji An’s words about him – Ji An prepares to leave for a new job in Busan, and my heart breaks at the goodbye between her and Dong Hoon.

It’s clear that it’s hard for her to leave him, and it’s clear that he wishes that she wouldn’t go so far away. But it’s also clear that they both think it’s for the best.

With tears sheening in their eyes, Ji An asks for a hug, just once, and Dong Hoon accedes. They exchange one last fist pump, “fighting” – and I cry.

Even though I recognize that these two will always be kindred spirits, this separation feels hard. For Dong Hoon, Ji An’s presence has become a life buoy, and likewise for Ji An, she’s learned to depend on the sound of Dong Hoon’s voice, to keep on living.

This separation feels hard, but it also feels necessary. Both of them need time and space to heal, and to grow, on their own.

Over the entire stretch of the finale, people in Dong Hoon’s community go through various changes.

Gyeom Deok finally visits Jung Hee, and they arrive at a measure of closure. Ki Hoon breaks up with Yoo Ra; Sang Hoon looks to be on the road to reuniting with his wife; Yoon Hee goes to the US to be with Ji Seok; Yoo Ra becomes a successful actress; Ki Hoon finally starts writing a new script.

And in the course of the passing of time, as lives continue to shift and progress, Dong Hoon and Ji An finally meet again.

I find it so perfect, that the reunion between our pair of kindred spirits, is triggered by Ji An’s ability to pick Dong Hoon’s voice out of a crowd.

The cafe is buzzing with people and their conversations, but she recognizes his voice immediately, even though he isn’t even sitting inside the cafe, but is out of sight, around a corner, sitting outside with a friend.

How completely fitting that it’s his voice that draws her to locate him, considering how many hours she had spent before, listening to his voice, as she listened in on, and shared, his life.

As always, there is so much left unsaid between these two. He smiles, clearly delighted to see her. She smiles, glad to see him too. He asks when she came to Seoul, and she tells him that she walked past Saman E&C a couple of days ago.

It feels like there is so much more that these two want to say to each other, but their brief conversation is cut short when Ji An’s colleagues tell her it’s time to go. He asks to shake hands, just once, and she says she’d like to buy him a meal, just once.

They walk away, each looking back at the other’s retreating back, just once.

Oof. It is so, so bittersweet, to see that both Dong Hoon and Ji An are doing better now, and are both more cheerful than before, and yet, know that deep down, unspoken, they think of each other and miss each other, keenly.

Yet, at the same time, I’m hopeful that now that things have had time to settle and heal, that they would meet up for a meal, at least once in a while, just like they did before, and create a space where their kindred spirits can meet; where they can provide encouragement and solidarity to each other, as kindred spirits tend to do. Fighting.

THE FINAL VERDICT:

Hopeful, achingly beautiful, and bittersweet. Viscerally affecting in the best way.

FINAL GRADE: A+

TEASER:

MVs:

WHERE TO WATCH:

Available for free on iQIYI and Viki. Also available on Netflix.

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Lynn
1 year ago

I loved the review written by kfangurl. I recently finished “My Mister” and agree with her that it is one of the best ! I am an American woman and watched it due to a Korean friend recomending it. So glad to have experienced this powerful drama.

matrice
matrice
1 year ago

One thing that I didn’t catch in the first viewing was the fact that DH’s wife’s sister is in the US (they say that the kid is staying with the sister in law). Strange that we never see a picture of her in any of the photos with the kid (the ones with his wife and the kid on his desk in the ending episode). Wondering if they are still staying with her.

matrice
matrice
1 year ago
Reply to  matrice

I initially thought that it might highlight a difference, and wondered if DH would have been able to live separated from his brothers… then thought that their kid was living abroad, in another continent, so probably the answer would be yes, the one that he likely couldn’t abandon because he needed to take care of and “accompany” to her death was his mother, for reasons similar to Ji An’s situation.

matrice
matrice
1 year ago

I frankly didn’t see strong reasons for the breakup, though the show kind of hints he will return to the movie world, and anyway she is not living on Venus, so running into each other is definitely a possibility.

matrice
matrice
1 year ago

I think most stars/idols date away from the public eye anyway, so I don’t think there would even be a need for the public to know.

matrice
matrice
1 year ago

I don’t know how much of an issue it would be, to be honest… for example, here have been real life cases like a Japanese pop star marrying a waiter and therefore the director brother having a low-paying job shouldn’t be a deal breaker.

matrice
matrice
1 year ago

All Yoon Hee seems to want is a romantic relationship devoid of context; that’s why she comes alive so much when she’s on a rendezvous with Do Joon Young.

Theirs is a secret relationship that cannot exist with a context. But for as long as they keep meeting in secret, there is a space for her to enjoy what she wants most out of a relationship.

I am very sure that if she were ever to try to put context in that relationship with Do Joon Young, like pursue marriage, or any kind of recognition or legitimacy, things would very quickly go south for them.

Actually, after I watched the first episode again, I don’t agree completely with the last part of the statement, in the sense that I agree that she didn’t want context in a relationship, but that even in that “bubble” it didn’t seem to be all sunshine and roses.

In what I believe is their first scene together, we see her fight her lover, attacking him over his unwillingness to carry a second phone, and telling him she is always checking her phone for his calls, and that if he really wanted to he could find a solution, so this means that it’s not that he can’t, but that he doesn’t want to do this -basically questioning his commitment-.

This was eerily similar to the fights and complaints she had for Dong Hoon, fueled by the same needy/clingy/controlling/possessive streak, her insecurities requiring constant validation. It’s a pattern. They were seeing each other for a year, and are not even living together.

If these issues are starting to appear even as they are living in the “bubble” of the affair, then we can see that even if they had married, it would have been a replica of his marriage with DH, minus, maybe, the family and friends part (he doesn’t seem to have much of the latter0.

matrice
matrice
1 year ago
Reply to  matrice

It’s also significant how self absorbed and one-sided her preoccupations are… we learn of DH not being all that okay either with her not working until late and him coming home to an empty apartment, or with working all day, doing the housework as soon as he came home in order to support her, and then her going straight to the studio and him being left alone, unable to even raise the volume of the TV. Yet she considered only her situation, and never saw the obvious parallel of what she was putting her husband through (not that he ever complained or was anything less than understanding about this, always choosing, at most, to stay silent and bottle everything up, with the exception of the scene where he replied to her absurdly unfair complaint -them both knowing of her horrific betrayal- by remarking taht he din’t want to come home to an empty apartment), where he constantly offered her chances to spend time together with his family, and she was so perturbed by his understanding unwillingness to let her monopolize his whole attention to the exclusion of everyone else he loved that she routinely spurned them -only to absurdly complain that he was there without her, as if he had not invited her in the first place-.

Last edited 1 year ago by matrice
matrice
matrice
1 year ago

Why she cheated -> meaning cheating, and with his worst enemy, instead of divorcing him, if she was unhappy. He was ready to grant her a divorce, if she was unhappy with him, and she was ready to get one (wanted to during the affair, was ready to after the confession, in the interim period she didn’t ask for divorce -despte treating him shortly/impatiently and having been ready to divorce before- (and/or come clean), which I found puzzling as they both clearly knew that he had his values and she wouldn’t change them. Her being unhappy, and her reason for it, was a different question/matter from the betrayal/conspiring to make him quit his job/willingness to stand by someone that was willing to mistreat him and fire him, and Dong Hoon correctly called this out first things first in the “apology”/”confession” scene.

matrice
matrice
1 year ago

From the fact that Ji An listened in to the “apology”/”confession” and still in the final episode asks her why she cheated (and the wife basically responds that she could give a thousand excuses/rationalizations, but didn’t have a true/real reason), my guess is that the questions weren’t addressed at the time. In any case, I appreciated we didn’t get a pathetic “I didn’t mean to”, and her “no true reason” is better than giving a nonsensical one.

matrice
matrice
1 year ago
Reply to  matrice

wouldn’t change them -> couldn’t change them

matrice
matrice
1 year ago
Reply to  matrice

In other words, as he stressed, her being unhappy and her doing all she did to him are two different questions. He was even more unhappy (almost suicidal), but he still cared for her and respected her. The questions he made were explicitly about why she felt she had the right to treat him it this manner, not why she was unhappy.

matrice
matrice
1 year ago
Reply to  matrice

Frankly, I would have been okay with her divorcing him and getting together with the boss, if it happened *before* she cheated. She would have at least not broken her husband’s trust, it was the bare minimum respect he deserved as a human being. Of course, it would have ended terribly, given who the guy was, who would not have married her because of her background.

matrice
matrice
1 year ago

In other words, as he stressed, her being unhappy and her doing all she did to him are two different questions. He was even more unhappy (almost suicidal), but he still cared for her and respected her. The questions he made were explicitly about why she felt she had the right to treat him it this manner, not why she was unhappy.

Last edited 1 year ago by matrice
matrice
matrice
1 year ago

With reference, to the Open Thread series, I think that this review was much closer to the factual reality of the characters:

  • In the first thread (https://thefangirlverdict.com/2021/12/08/open-thread-my-mister-episodes-1-2/) you mention her being tired and taking care of household stuff on top of her work; but that is not a correct characterization of the situation: we know that *her husband* is the one mainly taking care of housework before she comes home, so she can focus on her job (this is shown with his cleaning up the house, etc., and later made explicit when they had their apology/confession scene), even going as far as to not watch TV to support her in her career. She was focused on her work as a lawyer, but between the two of them her husband was the more stressed one, I would say. Also, I agree with your point in *this review* about her wanting a relationship without context being the reason she worked so well with her lover, and it not being able to last in the real world.
  • In https://thefangirlverdict.com/2022/01/12/open-thread-my-mister-episodes-11-12/ I disagree with the characterization of their conflict on family and friends, and I find myself much closer to the opinion expressed in this review. To me, the issue is not her not being able to fit in, but her not wanting to fit in. She does not like them (says she despises them, but that’s an exaggeration). Years ago she did transactional monetary favors that she throws back in his face in recrimination: it’s clear that this is not the disinterested giving attitude you have towards someone you consider family (like her sister in law does). Basically, she tried buy her way into the circle without really wanting to be in the circle, but rather wanting to take her husband out of the circle.
  • I don’t think it’s fair to say that he didn’t try to help her fit in. She didn’t want to fit in, she wanted him to distance himself from his family and friends, which were a core part of his life/identity (family is central to him, like to Ji An, and this would be the equivalent of Ji An’s boyfriend feeling insecure because of her relationship with her grandma and wanting to get her away from her). We see a clear contrast with Ji An, who shares his ideas on family (the parallel between his mother and her grandma) and fits right in with his friends. I think that this is because she truly wanted to be there, rather than biding her time to get him to distance himself from them.
  • The only family member where there was a communication issue was her mother in law, who appreciated her but didn’t know how to express it. But her sister in law always made sure to point out that the woman truly cared for her.
  • I share her preference for nuclear families, but since she uses her son as a token, I would have liked her husband to ask her whether she truly thinks that their child would have been better off without the kind of close bond with his extended family, particularly now that he is living alone abroad.
  • I don’t think of his attempt to compromise as “too little, too late”. He was pretty willing to bend to accomodate others, and I don’t get the feeling that this is the first time he attempted meeting her half way (note how she dismisses his kind gestures, like the care he showed her or the way he always bought her what she wanted and did the housework to support her in her job, or asked her whether she needed something -Ji An made her notice in the last episode-. But more than that, I agree with the point of view expressed in this review that she shouldn’t really have asked him to. This would be like asking Ji An to distance herself from her grandma. She knew that he was close to his brothers since his twenties and knew his friends for his entire life.
  • I generally found her clingy/needy/controlling/possessive/insecure and in constant need for validation. Also often projecting her faults on others (like being the one to sleep with his worst enemy, deceive him for years and even try to manipulate him into quitting his job -a disaster as he would have started a new business just when she told him she was divorcing him for his worst enemy-, and being willing to stand by someone that would be ready to fire him, enlisting the help of an accused murderer). If the roles were reversed, we would immediately see how disturbing it would be for him to try to control who she could see and when, and dictate her relationship with friends and family, just because he was insecure. This is similar to Crazy Rich Asians, with the cheating husband feeling unneeded in the relationship and not fitting in with his classist family. He doesn’t get any sympathy from me.
matrice
matrice
1 year ago
Reply to  matrice

There is also the short and impatient way she treated him, as you point out in this review, that went away only after the apology (I would say apology excluded, giving her recriminations that I felt were out of place, given he had just confessed to having been made to feel worthless: she showed no regard for his psychological safety). All in all, I found it galling that she would be questioning *his* care and committment to her, and feeling insecure in the relationship. I found it completely unfair that she would dodge family events and then complain at him for being there without her, and I agree with his statement that love is not a pyramid, and him loving his extended family and friends does not detract from his love for her. Again, this is in the context of her seeing someone on the side for the past years, so I don’t get how she can be the one questioning his care/love (particularly after the flashback where she remembered how kindly he cared for her and after her even while he knew of her betrayal). The only explanation I can come up with is that this is avoidance, maybe a mechanism to make herself feel less guilty by convincing herself that he does not care about her, so as to lessen her guilt at the hurt she caused him with her betrayal. If she thinks he does not really care for her, she can convince herself he is not suffering so badly. But he was there, confronting her lover about him not being willing to marry her because he looked down on her background, even in the midst of all the pain she had caused him. She couldn’t bring her self absorbed self to actually be empathetic and understand his need for friends and family, even after they both knew of her betrayal -frankly, it was galling to see him willing to compromise even at this point, where he wanted to be as far from her as possible and he needed his support structure more than ever-.

matrice
matrice
1 year ago
Reply to  matrice

re: Psychological Safety

Here what I meant to say is that she didn’t really answer his questions regarding why she cheated, and with his worst enemy, instead of divorcing him, if she was unhappy. She talked about why she was unhappy (and with much less balance than she did during the initial episodes when she talked with her lover: there she calmly told him that her husband was a kind and reliable, if lonesome, man, and she seemed to understand that he simply had a different perspective on what family was meant to be, one that included one’s extended family and one’s community, while she personally preferred a more nuclear family.

Here she talked about the reasons for her unhappyness (discussing them in terms that couched their different opinions as slights on his part, and questioning his commitment, which was rather crazy, considering that a) she knew how kindly he took care of her despite her betrayal (as per the flashback), and b) she did stuff that gave him much more reasons to doubt her commitment: he should be the one feeling insecure (about his place in the relationship -clearly not first in her mind, given she deceived him for a year and planned to divorce him, while conspiring to leave him out of a job, willing to stand by her lover even as he fired him).

As per keeping tabs on old favors and throwing them his face, favors which by her own admission she did not out of a spontaneous generosity for family, without expecting anything in return, but to ingratiate herself to him, so that he would change a core part of his personality to suit her desires, I should point out that she is the perpetrator here, and this is different from what he does when he reminds here that he did the housework before coming home, never turned the TV on, bought anything she asked him to buy -always asking whether she needed anything- and trusted her unconditionally when she lied to him about work and went to see her lover. Here he is asking, as the victim, “I did all that to support and trust you, was I not even worthy enough of a shred of respect?”, while she is saying, as the perpetrator, “I did all that to get you into my good graces, why didn’t you change a core part of yourself to suit my worldview”, in other words keeping tabs of old favors and saying she expected him to change a core part of his personality/life/perspective to be what she wanted it to be -I do you favor x, y, z, and in turn you change your opinion on something fundamental in your life to suit my tastes-. This is what I mean by saying that it was appalling for her to keep tabs and throw these in his face: he did the things he mentioned because he loved her, not expecting anything in return, while she kept tabs of her favors (rather than doing them without expecting anything in return, out of spontaneous generosity born from seeing the recipients of the favors as family) because she felt he owed it to her to change his opinion about a key part of life -the meaning of family- in return.

Again, this was not relevant to the apology: it was about why she was unhappy, not about why she cheated, and with his worst enemy, on top of everything else she did. He had asked her that explicitly noticing that he would have granted her a divorce if he couldn’t make her happy (and he was even more unhappy -almost suicidal, by the look from the bridge down the Han river, and that also thanks to her lover’s and her actions-). Those answers were left out of the flashback -we don’t learn about how the affair started, why now and with him, etc.-. Again, they were clear she was unhappy (they both were), and from his exasperation he was more than familiar with her seeing relationships like some sort of competition. This was a conversation for a later date (though in truth it should have happened before she cheated, and maybe led to a divorce), and probably conducted with more equanimity (with her understanding, as in the first episodes, that her personal preferences were not absolutes, and him having different opinions was not a personal slight towards her; also, with her understanding that given what she has done and is apologizing for, does she really feel like she is in a position where it makes sense to question his commitment, etc. when she gave him many more reason to doubt hers, so that between the two of them, he is the one that should be feeling insecure -not only about her caring for him, but about her having an shred of respect for him-?).

matrice
matrice
1 year ago
Reply to  matrice

Would have been interesting to know how the whole thing started, and would have thought they would have hashed it out in the “apology”/”confession”… again, maybe it happened off screen, but Ji An listened in to that conversation and still asks her this in the last episode, so maybe not. Who knows.

matrice
matrice
1 year ago
Reply to  matrice

turned the tv on -> turned the tv’s volume on… a distinction without a difference in the context of the overall message, which was meant to highlight who:

  • Worked and then did the housework, a supportive partner that wanted her to succeed in her goals.
  • Was made to feel alone when she worked overtime/went straight to the studio, yet never complained about it.
  • Couldn’t even relax comfortably.
matrice
matrice
1 year ago
Reply to  matrice

I get that she truly suffers, but cannot really muster any sympathy. And this comes from someone with her same preference for a small nuclear family vs an extended family and community. But that’s not an objective slight or an objectively better way of life. It’s not that she cannot connect, it’s that she doesn’t want to. She wants him for herself, because of her possessiveness and insecurity. She doesn’t want to love them like he does, she wants him to love them less.
Ji An didn’t grow up in the same neighborhood. She was immediately accepted by his friends and brothers. They are open people, they don’t keep you out if you genuinely want to be part of their group. And she did.
By contrast, Dong Hoon’s wife has been living there for years. She is not “new to the neighborhood” anymore, but has neither chosen to actually get to know people (she does not want to, as he clearly offers her to visit family, etc. and she makes excuses, see episode 7), nor to build her own social group outside the neighborhood. Her lover is not living in that neighborhood, after all, and neither are Dong Hoon’s work colleagues. They live in Seoul, a city with modern transportation. She cannot pin her loneliness on him. If the roles were reversed and she tried that trick to try to get him to distance himself from friends and family due to her wanting him for herself because of her own insecurities, we would immediately recognize it as a creepy and sick emotional manipulation. Not saying that her feelings are not real, only that she really cannot place the blame on him: hers are not reasonable requests, and while, contrary to what claimed in this One Thread, he *was* willing to compromise
Even now after her betrayal, which they both know about, when one in his place would want to see her as little as possible and would want to lean on the connection of his friends as much as possible for some support, he is willing to meet her half way… he is such an accomodating person that he would obviously have been willing to compromise in the past as well.

Acutally, I would have had sympathy for her, despite agreeing with your review above that she essentially brought this upon herself, by buying a cat and asking it to bark, had she chosen to divorce if she was unhappy, like he remarked in this episode. But she did what she did -cheating on him for years with his worst enemy, and staying by his side even as he planned to fire him, while she planned to divorce him, not to mention her own emotional manipulation to get him to quit his job, and mortage his home, which was going to be a complete disaster when he saw her divorce him for his worst enemy, destroying his confidence ad shattering him emotionally right at the start of his new business, which would have failed destroying not only his life, but those of his brothers and mother that at this moment are still reliant on him, leaving, frankly, in a worse position than if he was to be fired -capital wise-. In tat context, I find it impossible to sympathize, because there is simply no proportionality, no bridge from here to there that makes any of this acceptable (particularly as she planned to divorce him anyway).

At least he always treated her civilly. But yes, she would have deprived him of the ability to make an informed decision, treating him like a convenient fallback or a spare tire she could dispose of as she pleased, rather than her equal and an individual with agency and the right to choose knowing all the facts. Despite wanting to divorce him if her lover had merely wanted to fire him with the help of an accused murder.
And she is the one screaming remonstrations abount facts and favors she did years ago (apparently not out of genuine generosity, given how she throws them in her face -she clearly expected something in return, as is clear when she explicitly says she was biding her time to move to another neighborhood).
Let’s face it: moving wouldn’t have helped. It’s not his friends that are the problem. It’s that she is possessive and controlling, and wants him all to herself. She doesn’t want him to have friends, she wants him to have her and the kid. Because otherwise she feels insecure about her position. This is not something her husband can or should be expected to help her with. That’s the job of a therapist. Just because she suffers and we and we see she is sincere, it does not mean what she is asking of him is fair. If the roles were turned, and he was the possessive boyfriend wanting to keep his partner form seeing family and friends, policing who she can see and when, we would immediately see it as unacceptable and scoff at the very notion of compromise,and that’s, paraphrasing the words of Astrind to her insecure, cheating husband who couldn’t fit into her family, in Crazy Rich Asians, what he should have done rather than accept her emotional blackmail is tell her “you are a coward that gave up on us; it’s not my job to change myself to fix your insecurities”.

I also remember that the time she met Ji An at her lover’s nest, as she was packing up, she tried to get her to leave Dong Hoon even if she could be a valuable asset, telling her she was willing to stand by the wayside and let them fight it off against each other.
The only saving grace there is that it might have been her jealousy and unwillingness to have someone knowing her secret around her husband (this last one is what she told Ji An), which would at least mean she has feelings for him (in the self absorbed way she always had, which prioritizes what is best for her to the detriment of her husband… in the case of his family and friends, by having him distance himself from, and spend less time with, them, and in the case of the affair, by deceiving him and sticking around, without giving him the ability to make an informed decision). Not sure that made it better, but jealousy I could accept. Her being actually indifferent to the outcome, as she said, after everything she did to him, would be a tougher pill to swallow. Particularly because she is still treating him badly (being short and impatient with him), while knowing what she did to him. No regret, nor though of not getting on his case for a bit, as compensation for what she did to him.
Her defending him now is… different. But it is part of that general trend of: she was so horrible without a shred of guilt, and wouldn’t have cared about him knowing about the relationship, if her lover had hurt him, but not lied to her about camping. Now I am supposed to believe she feels guilt and suddenly also cares for the guy. After deceiving him for years, cheating with his worst enemy, and working to get him out of a job together with her lover, while at the same time preparing for divorce. And then staying by his side, instead of being coherent and at least leaving (she had wanted to divorce him for her lover), while coming clean and apologizing for her actions and giving him the ability to make an informed choice.

I cannot get over the fact that, had Dong Hoon and Ji An not intervened, there would have never been the “badmouthing” and “lying to her about camping” (the latter was what closed the issue for her), and she would still be with the guy, she would have divorced her husband, now jobless, and not a shred of guilt would have been in sight.
For that matter, had Ji An not told her about it, she wouldn’t know he knew and she would continue to deceive him (and treat him shortly and impatiently) for the rest of his life (despite having planned to divorce him -guess a spare always comes in handy-). Again, no guilt in sight.
She tells him she felt like dying when she learned he knew. She tells her lover she is not shameless enough to pretend he doesn’t know. But she was shameless enough to cheat with his worst enemy for years. She was shameless enough to treat him badly (while he was also unhappy with he, he always treated her civilly, only talking back that one time she accuses him of visiting his friends, when he tells her he does not want to come back to an empty house). She was shameless enough, as said above, to be by her lover’s side as he planned to fire him with the help of an accused murderer. and she would have divorced her husband to be with said lover, had he not lied to her about camping (had it not been, in other words, for Ji An and Dong Hoong’s actions).
I don’t find that this meets a basic standard of acceptability. Her throwing her own insecurities at his feet impressed me even less. What I would have respected: her telling him that she understands they want different things out of family, she a nuclear one and he an extended one. Her telling him that she knew what he was like, and made the wrong choice to marry him expecting to change a core part of his being, which was massively unfair. He was up for a compromise, as shown in this chapter, but it was unfair to as him to change a core part of who he is in the first place. Nobody forced her to marry him. Of course, I would only respect her if she did this before cheating on him. This is not taking responsibility, this is blaming her existential unhappiness and insecurities on him. None of those things is an excuse for betraying him with his worst enemy, and even conspiring to get him out of a job, one way or the other, and at the same time divorce him (by the way, how little did she know him to think that he would have actually sought revenge? He didn’t do that even with her lover, only asking him to stop seeing her and treat him fairly at work).

matrice
matrice
1 year ago
Reply to  matrice

re: alone abroad
Actually, we learn there is a sister in law somewhere in there… still, he is away from his parents, in another continent. I think the general point still applies. Strange how the woman is mentioned so little -first run through I believed he was in boarding school-.

matrice
matrice
1 year ago

With regards to the hint raised in his open thread: https://thefangirlverdict.com/2022/01/26/open-thread-my-mister-episodes-15-16/, I was happy to see in this chapter there was a reverse course regarding the issue of the job, quoting:

she had an affair, where she was, at one point, working to get her husband out of a job, while planning to divorce him as well. How awful.

All in all, I didn’t have any sympathy for Yoon Hee

Versus

I’m glad to see Dong Hoon set up his own company, just like Yoon Hee had once encouraged him to do. He really does look happier doing his own thing, and what a bonus, that he confirms that he does actually make more money now, than when he’d worked for Saman E&C.

Regarding him opening his own company, I cringed a bit at the reference to his wife’s plan, because that was a self serving, manipulative request (playing up his supposed insecurities at working under a younger person), and he had very good reasons to fear this step (he needed to maintain his family, his brother had multiple failed business and he saw how it destroyed his family, forcing him to take care of both his brothers). His wife only told him that he could find a new job if he failed (doubtful, with what references, those of the boss that was sleeping with his wife, that kept trying to fire him and continued to put him down? if the job marked was so easy they wouldn’t be in their current company being put down and bullied), but he was also worried about the responsibility towards his eventual subordinates.

You cannot really use success in the future to predict success in the past. In the future he had more confidence, more capital, and his family was economically secure, so he was not responsible for them anymore. He also had the experience of managing at a higher lever thanks to his promotion at his previous job.

Note that when his wife proposed him this, she was convinced nobody would follow him (show how she knew him… he was beloved by his team, and people did follow him when he opened his own company), and told him to mortage his house. She was doing this because she wanted him out of the company when she divorced him and went official with his younger boss and worst enemy. This means that the business was destined to be a complete disaster, as his confidence would be crushed and he would be emotionally shattered by the blow (with no Ji An to help) right during the crucial startup phase of the business. It’s easy to see that while it might have been a good idea *now*, it would have been suicide then.

This is the reason I found the reference to his wife’s suggestion disturbing: they were completely different circumstances, and in order not to feel bad about herself she was ready to get him to risk his house on a project where she didn’t expect others to follow him, that was destined to failure given her purpose was to get him to leave when she divorced him for his worst enemy, and in a moment in time when his entire family was relying on him to bring home the money.

This was not the same proposal at all. And the fact was that she was trying to risk his career, house and family’s income for her own interest: she started trying to convince him when her lover was planning to fire him for his convenience, enlisting the help of an accused murderer (here I will note in passing that neither of those actions by her lover were a deal breaker to her, but lying about camping was a step too far… had he been *just* someone willing to hurt her husband she would have still been with him… don’t know if I am the only one finding this disturbing).

matrice
matrice
1 year ago

Funny/sad how ever the evil boss was skeptical of ML having an affair, when Ji An raised the possibility. Both ML and Ji An put family first, and are ready to sacrifice for it, while ML’s wife was reading to sacrifice her family, and certainly her husband, for her selfish whim (she would have stayed with her lover had he *just* wanted to hurt her husband, but she cared more about him lying to her about camping, that was a line too far). Actually hope his wife does not share the same “certainty”, as she already takes him for granted, because I hope that Ji An’s attempt to make her feel jealous succeed on some level.

Regarding the brother correctly stating that ML loves FL… a correct statement, given how he took care of her despite knowing about the betrayal. However I don’t think that him hurting is proof positive: he was, after all, someone that his wife knew for 20 years, the father of her kid, and seeing how she was willing to lie to his face for a year, stand by the side of his worst enemy when he was plotting to fire him, manipulate him into giving up his source of income and mortage his house (while fulling planning to leave when he was trying to start his new thing, with predictable disastrous consequences), and, factually speaking, cared more about her lover lying to her about camping than about him trying to fire her husband with the help of someone accused of murder (as evidenced by the fact that she broke things off over the former, not over the latter), would be pretty hurtful. His priority was protecting his family and her even if he would have to sacrifice and suffer for it (trying and faliing to see how he could fix this, not being willing to cause his wife pain only for the sake of taking the easy path), while she was willing to sacrifice her family, and in particular him, for her whim. ML was simply not willing to distance from and sacrifice his relationship with other people he cared about (his friends and family), and wanted to protect and stand by *everyone* he cared about.

matrice
matrice
1 year ago

Pretty unimpressed with the failed businessman brother for the false equivalence between the wife and ML’s suffering. The perp is not the victim. The wife did not feel a shred of guilt over lying to him for a whole year, and even when she was betraying him with his worst enemy she continued to treat him curtly, complainig about his failing while she knew that she was deceiving him and standig by her lover, that would have wanted to fire him, and mainpulating him. If having a conscience is doing the right thing when nobody is looking, she does not appear to possess one, as she did not feel any remorse for her deception and mistreatment as long as he did not know about her betrayal. She did not confess, she was found out. She felt like dying when he knew, and shameless pretending, but didn’t feel neither regret nor shame for lying to him or mistreating him when he was unaware. By contrast, interesting to note that even the evil boss was skeptical about him betraying his wife when Ji An proposed seducing him. He deserves better: he would sacrifice himself for his family, her wife would sacrifice her family, or at least certainly him, for her whims.

I found it expecially irritating he would tell him to take her back *the very same day he discovered her betrayal*. He is the same guy that pushes ML to keep a job where he is humiliated because they need money. On one hand, it looks like he does not care about his humiliation, and does not think he deserves better (though he has options), on the other hard, it’s pretty funny to think whether he would change his tune if he actually bothered to learn what the wife did, and discovered that not only she deceived him over a whole year (it was not a one night stand, but a premeditated, deliberate scheme with special phones and a dedicated apartment), but she was also willing to stand by her lover as he plotted firing him when she divorced him, and she even manipulated him into giving up his job and take a mortage with the house as collateral -and given that she would have left him for his worst enemy right at the critical/stressful period when he started a new business, and how this would wreck his mindset and confidence, plus his inexperience and lack of capital at the time (this is not him in the future), it was a disaster waiting to happen-. Considering the brother had 2 failed businesses and that this scheme would endanger both the two brothers and their mother, who lean on ML for their financial support. That might have made him change his tune, considering it’s the whole reason his priority seemed not to lie with his brother’s happyness either when it came to the job or his relationship.

ahjussi
ahjussi
1 year ago

I feel that the show has really drawn a parallel between the wife and Ji An, comparing the former’s attitude -betrayal, remostrations, etc.- with the latter’s growing appreciation, and she acts like a sort of “mirror” for the wife to see the truth/what she does not see about her husband. Ji An’s hitting it off with his friends, and in the end the appreciation of the “do you need something” line that the wife spurns.

my
my
1 year ago

One thing I notice is that in the beginning when she was talking about this to her lover she was not nearly as emotional as when she accused him during her confession. Makes e thing if this means that she loves him, as I can’t imagine why else she would care about his attachment towards family and friends now, after she had a lover and was determined to divorce him.

Lehar
Lehar
1 year ago

Oh i finally watched it and love it.. couldn’t stop watching it for a minute .. So finished it in 3 days … but it was so warm
I cried and laughed .. I love Dong Hoon & his brothers
I had hard time understanding his and his wife relation…even beside affair . .. Was he always this miserable or it was after Do Joon Young took over … when he was transferred
I felt some part of him went missing when he was away from his friend too
When maybe … after he married
Also never know why everyone is hell bent on removing Do Joon Young from his position in the starting… is it because he is greedy or incompetent ?? bcz they never said it …he was incompetent but all had hatred for him as he was young and successful
But he was total handsome 😁
Thank you for the review

Ian Patiag
Ian Patiag
2 years ago

This is one of the grayest shows I have ever watched.

And that makes it a masterpiece.

Ultimately, My Mister is a story about the redeeming quality of humanity. People have different motivations for living. They also have different struggles in life. What this show dared to showcase is an intense feeling of deep affection towards someone, not with the romantic one but that of pure unconditional love. To share life’s journey–with of its joys and pains–with someone who understands one another to an innate level is the most profound, and precious thing.

What is impressive is that it was not limited to the leads. I adored that the show captured unconditional love in many forms, it can be seen with the relationships built among the mother, among siblings, in the community, and finally, the one with Dong Hoon and Ji An, a type of relationship that defies any label. He was his person. She was hers.

I think this show has changed me and made me grow as a person. I appreciate this platform to share my thoughts.

Christine Cline
Christine Cline
2 years ago

I loved this, as well, it affected me for a long time afterward and in reading your, as always, insightful review, took me back to this lovely, moving, achingly, poignant drama! Bravo to all involved!

Steven
Steven
2 years ago

Just finished this show and indeed, such a masterpiece! First I would like to thank this site for if not for the ratings provided here, I’m sure this would never have landed on my radar given that none of my K drama friends have watched this. (Count Healer in as well for another gem this site has drove me to watch. 😉 ) Thank you Kfangurl! This site is indeed a treasure!!

After months of K drama hiatus, I almost forgot how K dramas can induce a torrent of emotions.. then I watch this drama to again break the ice and boom! Emotions overflow!!

I’ve read through a lot of reviews and fan comments across different sites and I think there are two camps here: camp platonic and camp romantic. LOL!

I belong to camp romantic. Heehee! But first, I would have to agree that what happens in the future is beyond the scope of the show, much in the same way that many romance dramas show couples getting together by the end of the story, but them actually getting married in the future or not is beyond the scope of those dramas. Much less show whether those couples would indeed have kids and grow old together. Haha!

Below are the key points and reasons for my thoughts:

1.      The age gap is immaterial for me. Age is just a number. Dong Hoon being 40+ and Ji An 20+ only seem reprehensible at this point, as Ji An is just a few years into adulthood. But once the guy is 50 and the girl 30, much more once they’re 70 and 50, I bet no one would bat an eyelash by then.
2.      There were seeds planted for this possibility: the monk friend advising Dong Hoon it’s ok to be selfish, it’s ok to seek what would make your heart happy.
3.      Another key seed: Dong Hoon’s wife vocalizing that she would accept whatever Dong Hoon’s decision will be regarding their relationship. She will endure her guilt for now and be with Dong Hoon, but once Dong Hoon would tell her to leave, she will be ready.
4.      The look in Dong Hoon’s eyes whenever he is longing for Ji An at the office or across the street outside the bar, those looks definitely screams beyond just platonic gazes. Being the righteous guy that he is, he just kept those emotions in check, and was in fact suppressing them. Some say Dong Hoon actually hitting Ji An when she dared him to revealed those bottled up emotions. For if there was none, it was easy to laugh it all off instead of falling for the bait.
5.      And the most important reason why the show’s present timeline cannot yet show them in a romantic relationship: they are both still in broken states. A broken, damaged person entering a relationship is a recipe for failure. To be able to give true love, one must be able to love oneself first, and be unbroken, whole & complete. So both Dong Hoon and Ji An really needed time to heal, to pick up the broken pieces of their lives and slowly move on to recovery, before they are in anyway ready to share themselves again. So indeed a time skip in the show is necessary if they are to be in that state.
6.      Both instances in the end showed the wife in the US — the first for two weeks to look for a school for their son, the second for a longer stay to study English. Those for me are cues that can be interpreted as they are practically separated already. In short the show deliberately did not present any scenes of the two together, aside from the “happy” family pictures on Dong Hoon’s desk to show that whatever the actual status of their relationships is, both are in a state of peace.

Whether Dong Hoon and Ji An would eventually take their friendship to the next level is beyond the scope of the show. The show’s timeline only brought us to the point where both went through their healing journeys and have brought themselves forward to a state where they are ready to give (and receive) love again. And that they have met again, with a call and dinner plans in the pipeline to boot. What happens next is beyond scope, but bringing them to a state of readiness for new love is definitely part of the show’s scope. And that for me is enough.

Trent
2 years ago

I finally got to this show and finished it a couple weeks ago now, and now I’ve finally gone and read your review, and to no one’s surprise (certainly not mine, at least), you’ve really hit the nail on the head. I was nodding along at many places.

Such an unexpectedly powerful show; to think that when I first learned of it, back when I was first seeing popular K-dramas in Netflix’s lineup and on various lists, I instinctively shied away because it looked so much like some faintly unsavory young woman/middle-aged-guy romance, and it is so very much not that.

So so good. One of the few dramas that I would actually look forward to rewatching, I think.

Ele Nash
2 years ago

OH, kfangurl, thank you for this review and for appreciating My Mister so much. I can’t begin to express how much I loved this show, how broken and bleak it was, how restrained and painful each breathing minute of it was and all epitomised so brilliantly by Lee Ji-eun (who was like a different actress from Scarlet Heart Ryeo – unrecognisable) and Lee Sun Kyun (who so reminded me of the late great Alan Rickman) 😍
I felt so quiet watching it, and it should have left me feeling all kinds of depressed – I mean, it was so leached of colour and cold and grim streets and brutal – and yet I enjoyed being in their world, and stretched the watching of the show over weeks. This is not a binge drama, in my view. It should be watched slowly to allow time for all the unspoken parts to sink in.
Ah, it was Ji-an and Dong-hoon that got to me. Achingly enabling each other to be seen. It all hurt but in a loving way. My god, it’s great it won best drama and screenplay at the Baeksang’s but, as with all great dramas, I think it may not have been so truly exceptional without the subtle, constrained, visceral acting of Lee Ji-eun and Lee Sun-kyun. I’m obsessed ❤

merij1
merij1
2 years ago
Reply to  Ele Nash

I see that Lee Sun Kyun (aka The Voice) and Son Ye-jin (from CLOY fame, among other shows) are likely to appear in an Hollywood sci-fi film currently named “The Cross.”

Like many of the SK films that make it to Western eyes, the meta theme is social division.

If it happens, Son Ye-jin will play the female lead, a non-Korean English speaker paired with Australian actor Sam Worthington:

http://www.koreaherald.com/view.php?ud=20200706000694

merij1
merij1
2 years ago
Reply to  merij1

That said, having heard her English, I can’t picture Son Ye-jin pulling off the role of a non-Korean English speaker in film targeted to a Western audience. Her English is fine, but the accent is too strong to seem non-Korean. So maybe this is PR hype from her agent.

Ele Nash
2 years ago
Reply to  merij1

A non-Korean English speaker? Sounds unlikely. Ah, I’d watch Lee Syun Kun reading aloud the dictionary just to hear the timbre of his lovely voice.

Paulina
Paulina
2 years ago

An absolutely beautiful and deeply touching show. Thank you KFG for your comments, they are all spot on.

Carol Shibuya
2 years ago

“My Mister” in my estimation is a master piece production, acting, OST, writing & not to forget direction. I have rewatched this Kdrama 5X & each time come away seeing something I perhaps missed in a previous viewing. One may say I’m obsessed w/ this production but have yet to remember a Kdrama so memorable. Some may say there was no love between this couple, I disagree. How many times did he wait outside the bar waiting for her to walk by or when he sang the song in the bar about missing her. He ran to her when he finally found where she was broken & injured. The bus ride from the crematorium when he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. And yet he never made any advances towards her but was a bit sorry when she told him she was moving to Busan (so far away). He had lived half of his lifetime, her life was just beginning. Loved the ending because it left me as a viewer this couple will sometime in the future share a delicious meal together. 🥰

Sean
Sean
2 years ago
Reply to  Carol Shibuya

Such beautiful comments, Carol. It is an amazing show and is a masterpiece. The final moments fitting in every aspect.

Marie
2 years ago
Reply to  Carol Shibuya

You’re not the only one who’s at awe with this production. I always find a piece I missed with every viewing. That’s how I know this show is so good. You have the privilege to complete the big picture yourself.

Tessa Tomas
Tessa Tomas
3 years ago

This series is for kdrama blackbelts. I wouldnt recommend this for newbies. Glad I held off watching this after binging on more than 50 titles in the apan of 8 months.
Watched the entire 16 episodes in 2 days. Rewatched everything after a day. Reviewed all scenes of Ji An and Dong Hoon after. Listened to the OST. Watched the behind the scenes. Read the reviews, which brought me here. I cried the whole time watching… the 1st, 2nd and 3rd time. Cried again while reading your review.
A lot of scenes resonated. Buy me another pair of slippers…. you did not even pack how do you get by, you dont listen to me anymore? Aw my heart.
MY MISTER is now number 1 in my list. Thank you for your reviw. I really appreciate everything you wrote. Especially your observation on the ending, where Ji An revognized the voice amidst the bustling crowd.. having listened to him for months. Really sharp. I love you and will read more of your reviews

merij1
merij1
3 years ago
Reply to  Tessa Tomas

Hearing Dong Hoon say this, in the final line of Episode 9:

“I would have killed him, too, if I were her.”

beez
3 years ago

THOUGHTS BEFORE READING KFANGURL’S REVIEW
As jaded as these characters are, maybe I’m too jaded to enjoy it quite as much as others?

The way I see it, this is a show about stuck people. And the only one not stuck by their own mind is Ji an. Ji an is truly stuck, physically with her only option being to abandon Grandma and move elsewhere. The first she can’t do emotionally and the second, she probably doesn’t have the financial capability to do.

Ji an’s obsession with Dong hoon is understandable because she’s never met anyone like him and listening to his every waking moment provides a first-time escape from her own life (but it’s still creepy). I would imagine, especially when she first began, it felt like a measure of control for her since everything else in her life is out of her control. So, for her, this obsession is “healthy” in a weird way. She gets to hear that there’s actually legitimately sincere, good people in this world. And she knows it’s not an act because he (and his neighbors) don’t know she’s listening. I became really uncomfortable with her listening – especially during his confrontation with his wife. A few times before that, he was breathing hard and I thought “oh noeees. Tell me she’s not listening to him having sex with his wife?!” She wasn’t, thank goodness. (But would she have?) We saw that stopping cold turkey looked as hard as stopping an addiction (smaller addiction like coffee or smoking) but very difficult to do. So hard that she risked her freedom before her GeekSquad friend informed her she could keep listening if she moved the listening app over to a new phone.

Dong hoon is just a “go along” guy. He seems very good at his job so are there no other companies where he can get a job rather than someplace that checks the overhead video of your text messages and every other thing that you do. I don’t even get the sense that he’s afraid to venture out nor is he lazy but that he just likes keeping things as they are. No waves. I also feel Dong hoon and his entire family have the same defeatist mindset.

Why did Ji an tell Skanky Wife that Dong hoon knows about the affair? By this time Ji an knows that Dong hun plans to just suck it up as long as Skank Wife doesn’t know that he knows. This was the one thing that didn’t make sense to me because by that time I was pretty sure she had no intention of hurting him. So this is probably the only inconsistency in the writing because as we saw near the end Ji an was ready to accept additional punishment rather than reveal what she knew Dong hee considered the worst thing that could happen – everyone knowing. That’s his whole philosophy in relationships as he told us time and again that as long as no one knows you know [or something like that 😄]

Same goes for Skank Wife when the donsaeng jokingly asked her if she’d cheated on Dong hoon. She picked a fine time to go all honest on us. She has to know that the worst blow for him would be to have his family know (as we saw his thoughts before when Hyung knelt down. And she knows he would just “go along” with their marriage as long as everyone was in ignorance. I almost feel that this was a greater sin, in a way, against Dong hoon than her cheating.

The brothers’ love and reaction to his heartbreak is so real and also I get why they take it so personally. Not only is it their love for him but also, if his wife could cheat – and he’s the best of the lot of them – what does that say about any relationships they have or their worth?

At what point did Ji an definitely become 100% on his side? I’m asking because for a while it seemed although she liked him yet she was still working against him.

Clips of pertinent scenes of the character Dong hoon should be used as an instruction manual for married middle-aged men on how to be supportive to young women without getting “caught up”.
“Can I hug you to give you strength?”
“No thanks. I have strength”
and keep it movin’ 😆

AFTER READING KFANGURL’S REVIEW
Yeah, this is the best role that I’ve seen The Voice in and that includes the movie Parasite.

Ahhhh. Thanks Kfangurl because I didn’t understand why Ji an goaded Dong hun to konk her in the back of the head WHILE she knew they were being spied on. I thought for sure that a pic would come from that claiming “lover’s domestic violence spat” (cause he konked her a lot harder than I expected (or she overreacted to the actual strength of the hit by falling to the ground on purpose). I still don’t get how that helped the situation because it looked bad any way you slice it to me, but, okay.

Skanky Wife – okay, okay – Yoon Hee Skank. I didn’t perceive her as wanting him to distance himself from his family, but rather to include her as family and #1 priority as his spouse. And while I understand the concrete importance of mom-in-law in S.K., Dong hoon’s mom’s issue seemed to me to be less that she didn’t spend time doing the traditional daughter-in-law duties (because they understood she worked) but more that Mom couldn’t handle her daughter-in-law’s status of being the higher income earner (higher in status than (gasp! how dare she!) Mom’s one shining son).

I totally understand Yoon Hee’s need for something more from Dong hoon as even his other family members want more from him emotionally. In Yoon Hee’s case though, I can see where she became sick of his sad sack ways and his inability to be happy. His entire family are similar in their negativity that entraps the brothers career-wise, the same way that Dong hoon is trapped at his job. Hyung didn’t want the cleaning job and only succeeds because the Dongsaeng’s pushing and when ethic. The Dongsaeng let fear cripple his career in film. And I suspect from some things mom says that she’s been trapped (maybe by Missing Dad – deceased or deadbeat?) as well in a similar situation as Bartender Friend. After setbacks, none of these people are moving forward.

None of what I’m saying excuses Yoon hee’s behavior. And why does their small child go to school in America? I get both parents work, but that child is still being formed and needs his parents (and grandparent). Did I miss the explanation of this?

I don’t think Yoon hee was actively involved in any of Do jun’s plotting but she didn’t warn Dong hoon and I get why she’d didn’t. She thought her future was wrapped up with Do jun (silly goose).

I felt the ending was anti climatic. Partly because everything else was so good and everything so fresh on K-ville that I expected more, but mainly I think that just like with OTPs, I wanted a happ(ier) ending. I wanted Ji an to stay with the warm-hearted strangers/neighbors of the Hugye neighborhood crew.

Oh well, I’ll just have to take away this bit of wisdom as my nugget of truth as the dosaeng says “everything in life comes down to expensive panties” 😆

beez
3 years ago
Reply to  beez

Don’t think I didn’t appreciate the quality of this show. But realize as a native Detroiter (who has moved away from the crime and what felt like a war zone – Ji an and all her drama is just everyday people that I knew. If you were smart (or had adults that taught you better (as in my case although they were deceased before I hit my teens) you would make it your business to avoid all the drama. (“Drama”, that’s what we call the mayhem.) So while show is excellent in all ways, it’s like looking at my sisters’, cousins, friends and schoolmates’ lives. It’s not pleasant and that is why I’m sure I prefer rom coms and lighter fare. Hence, my live of Kdrama which tends to greatly soften life’s edges.

merij1
merij1
3 years ago
Reply to  beez

I can’t remember whether KFG mentioned the redemption arc for the violent young loan shark. That was nice, and also nice that him listening to the recording of Ji-an discussing their shared past was the cause.

So many broken people finding a glimmer of light.

merij1
merij1
3 years ago
Reply to  beez

I try to imagine the responsibility this young woman took on. She’s hearing everything — like God or The Rat in CLOY (appropriate reference here, I’d say!) — and has to decide which things to share or act upon. And she’s just a kid. Street-smart in ways Dong Hoon will never be, but still a kid.

As to when Ji-an fully joined Dong Hoon’s side, my impression was that she was moving around in the grey zone for a long time — emotionally on his side but still desperately needing that money.

As to why she told Yoon-hee that her husband already knew about the affair — despite knowing his preferences on a situation like that — I think she was mostly pissed at his wife for not valuing him. Also, Yoon-hee seemed to be thinking she needed Ji-an out the picture specifically because she might tell Dong Hoon about the affair. So revealing that he already knew was a response to that threat.

In truth, I think Ji-an’s approach to dealing with “that which terrifies you” is far more sensible than Dong Hoon’s bury-your-head-in-the-sand approach. But it’s true that she knew it was not what he would have wanted. Imo, she ended up saving their marriage. But it could have gone the other way, for sure.

beez
3 years ago
Reply to  merij1

– Agreed. head nodding

beez
3 years ago

So I finished this last night and I just finished Kfangurl’s review. I need to weed out and delete from my notes that I took throughout my watch, any questions that Kfangurl’s review answered for me. And just scale it back cause they’re so lengthy. After I do that, I’ll comment on the show. Then I’ll read you guys’ comments to see where we differ. (My entire thoughts on these characters is very different, I think. At least, I know they’re different from Kfangurl’s and I’m guessing they’re different from merij1, phl1rxs, seankfletcher and BE (although I haven’t read you guys’ comments yet. I’m just guessing based on your encouragement to watch Show).

merij1
merij1
3 years ago
Reply to  beez

I take it you never warmed up to the zany-but-broken actress!

Or the beat-down but ah-what-a-soothing-voice ML?
Or the beat-down but IRL oh-so-talented-young-singer/songwriter FL?

Or all the other beat-down-but ____ characters?

Yet surely you appreciated the quality of the writing, right? And the near absence of annoying tropes? Love it or not, this show was written for adults.

Prashil Prakash
Prashil Prakash
2 years ago
Reply to  merij1

And there’s a song called ‘Adults’, which I can never listen to without having a mental breakdown.

Loved the zany but broken actress. She’s One of my favorites.

This show is unparalleled. Period.

beez
3 years ago

So, I thought I had watched Ep9 (where the Ahjusshi and Ji an share a smile) but that was the end of Ep8. So now I’m in the middle of Ep9 but I just had to come here before I continue and say how crazy the Ruined Actress is making me. She’s a loser too but covers it up with that OTT faux Kdrama Candy (heroine) bubbly cheerfulness that we see in our average Kdrama. I know I’ve been griping about how pessimistic everyone is but she is just so out of place. The imaginary funeral scene was PERFECT for highlighting just how out of place and inappropriate she is. I’d almost rather see her return to being Miss Stairs Vomit. sheesh!

merij1
merij1
3 years ago
Reply to  beez

Ha. You’re funny. My wife and I both thought she was amusingly eccentric. Broken, for sure, but not a Candy. Going on and on about how happy it makes her that the director turned into a loser. It makes me smile, just remembering it.

beez
3 years ago
Reply to  merij1

I did find it funny… at first. But every time she meets him dragging him through something so obviously painful for him began to irk me no end. She’s blaming him but it’s obvious she has no talent from the way other directors respond to her during auditions.

I’d be okay if she gave him a Nick name even like “Failure” when she’d first sees him but she goes on and on talking about his failure. Maybe I could enjoy her more but I was already predisposed to hate her even before I ever saw her. Her introduction of vomiting in front of her neighbor’s door every night and not cleaning it up – she’s just a big ol’ NO! for me.

merij1
merij1
3 years ago
Reply to  beez

So, you’re not a fan of stairs vomit? Each to their own, I guess.

beez
3 years ago
Reply to  merij1

– you’re right on all counts. Much like how I felt about Ojakyo Brothers, I did enjoy the warmth of the cast as a group and definitely the extended “family” of neighbors.

beez
3 years ago
Reply to  merij1

– in response to stairs vomit 😆

My laughter emoji ended up somewhere else than directly under your comment.

Prashil Prakash
Prashil Prakash
2 years ago
Reply to  beez

@beez
Stairs vomit lady was one of my favourites from the show.
And I get that she might not be the most ideal ideal person. But that’s the whole point.
She was deeply flawed, an aspiring actor who was scarred because of the director. And to make things worse. The director wasn’t entirely wrong in saying she sucked as an actress.

Basically it sucks when your boss is an ass. But it sucks way more when he’s an ass, but he’s right.
Cuz you do suck and you can’t blame him for your faults anymore.

Maybe if someone else was there in her life at that point in her career, she would’ve been better, cuz as they realise later. That she wasn’t entirely a terrible actor. She performs how she gets treated, And Could actually act well.
And that’s as human as one character can get!

Her downward spiral made her bitter but of course her bubbly nature which is a facade is stays, cuz if you’re terrible and if Everyone else also knows you’re terrible. Then it’s even worse. Hence the facade.
“I’m not sad. You are”
“I’m not a pathetic drunk, you are”
“I’m not a failure, you are”
(This is not verbatim, but it might as well be)

She can blame director but can’t escape her reality.
And seeing the director fail in life finally gives her that ounce of happiness that she wanted.
Is that pitiful? Yes.
But when you hit Rock bottom, you take whatever wins you get.

And now All this changes when she meets the 2 causes of her failure, 1. the director who is now himself a failure.
And also 2. When she starts to meet her own self (by the help of the director of course)

The point isn’t that she wasn’t a bad person.
Cuz every one in this show is somewhat bad. Some more than others.

The point is everyone wants to be healed and its the journey that they took to be healed.

The director WAS an Asshole but he tried to redeem his past by going to clean the vomit. That was the first step he took to rectify his past.
It’s the steps they took, the decision they made to be less miserable than yesterday that made their journey the most beautiful to see (for me)

The unresolved sadness, failure and most important ‘pity’. They healed each other. They made living with themselves bearable. And that’s why they both needed each other. Broken. Yet fitting.

PS: pity is also the theme in Ji-an and Dong-hoons arc. And you can basically Sum this show to be about pitiful people.

PPS: It’s the absolute favourite show of all time. But I can never see it the second time.

beez
3 years ago

Ohhh the bleakness. Ohhh the misery. Ohhh the realism. I opened Viki and searched for My Mister. Viki shows that I had watched 45 minutes of Episode 1 but I started over. Right around the 45 minute mark, I see why I stopped here before. I stopped again but came back later today and pushed through episode 1. I’m now in the middle of Episode 2. This is torture. Since everyone raves, I’ll give it to episode 4 but if the way this is making me feel doesn’t change – I’m outtie.

merij1
merij1
3 years ago
Reply to  beez

Trust.

It will be worth the initial agony.

beez
3 years ago
Reply to  merij1

siiiighhhhh I’m taking you at your word. I’ll pick it back up tomorrow.

seankfletcher
3 years ago
Reply to  beez

Excellent, Beez 😉

beez
3 years ago
Reply to  seankfletcher

I finished Ep 9 yesterday. I admit show is excellent in all aspects, especially the writing but… I’m so frustrated with Sad Sack. I can understand Ji An’s “darkness” but just because his life isn’t rainbows and unicorns, it’s how must peoples lives are (SEMI SPOILER- I’m talking before he found out his wife’s situation). At the end of Ep9 was the first smile of Jian and I think it’s the first real smile I saw from him as well. He might have smiled a little with his brothers when the bartender friend came home from Thailand. But c’mon. I’ve seen people in real life dealing with serous health issues, death impending, have better countenances.

I want to kick him in the butt and say “snap out of it!” I can see why his wife would be attracted to someone else (it doesn’t change that I think she’s a skank for doing it, just that I can see why a skank would.)

And I do see the depth here of how Ji An has become obsessed with Sad Sack. It’s something different to hold her attention rather than her sad, sad, sad life. I can’t even admire how badazz she is because to do so I also have to acknowledge the horrible life that has created this girl that nothing at work can faze because it can’t compare to the violent chaos that is her life when she leaves there.

merij1
merij1
3 years ago
Reply to  beez

While he didn’t know about his wife, it had still ruined their marriage. And his promising career had been totally derailed as well. By someone he had no respect for.

beez
3 years ago
Reply to  merij1

– but he hasn’t even considered looking for another job. He’s just going to continue to take it. He’s accepting of the situation in his marriage (as long as his wife doesn’t know he knows) in the same way he’s accepting being squasged at work. But don’t tell me of that’s going to change (I hope so) but I haven’t gotten to any evidence of that yet.

merij1, I’ll meet you over in the My Mister thread for further discussion as I watch.

seankfletcher
3 years ago
Reply to  beez

There are great moments ahead around all this, Beez 😉

beez
3 years ago
Reply to  seankfletcher

I’m about to find out. It’s true it’s excellent but we’ll see when I’m done if I have the same fondness for Show that every one else does. This is starting to feel like another Secret Love Affair for me where I can acknowledge the quality of the show and the acting but it’s the feeling it leaves me with that determine whether it becomes one of my beloved favs or not.

seankfletcher
3 years ago
Reply to  beez

I still haven’t watched SLA, even though it is a kfangurl fave. That is so true about the feeling you are left with regarding a show. My dropped rate is sneaking up to 30% – an indication of too many shows of late leaving me with an unsatisfactory feeling even in the earliest stages.

merij1
merij1
2 years ago
Reply to  seankfletcher

Sean, have you still not seen Secret Love Affair?

As Beez noted, I’d say it’s similar in that not a moment passes that you aren’t aware “this is an adult show with elements of greatness,” yet it’s also feels a bit depressing — in this case because one can’t easily imagine a positive outcome for the OTP leads.

I ended up liking it very much, but with far more mid-show asterisks than others here experienced.

If you ever start it, let me know so I can offer to share one or two mildly spoilerish things I needed to hear to adjust my viewing lens to the point I could finish without needless dread.

(Or read my mid-show request to KFG for vague/emotional how-does-it-end? spoilers and her response in the comment section of her review. It definitely helped me relax enough to enjoy the 2nd half.)

Last edited 2 years ago by merij1
Sean
Sean
2 years ago
Reply to  merij1

I still haven’t seen it, Merij. As much as I like Kim Hee Ae, I havent been able to make a start. It’s probably due to reasons similar to yours.

Thank you for your kind offer re some spoilerish things. I did read KFG’s comments to you before. I will still let you know once I am underway with my watch.

I am looking forward to Kim Hee Ae’s new show though: Queen Maker, which also stars Moon Si Ri (currently the lead in On The Verge Of Insanity).

Prashil Prakash
Prashil Prakash
2 years ago
Reply to  beez

@beez Yes cuz that’s the point!

He is the type of person who just accepts life as it is.
That’s why he is miserable. That’s his entire thing.
How often do we work in s place we hate and grind away for so long even though it’s unbearable.
That’s him.
He’s in a job where he’s good but hates it cuz he’s just not happy with himself.
He’s in a marriage he doesn’t work for anymore.
He is just existing.

That’s precisely why Jian calls him pitiful. Cuz he is. And so are we. And that’s why we want him to be better. We can’t expect him to be completely cured of his own pain in existence but we want to him be.. Just.. Better.

PS. I’m coming here after a long time and kinda reliving the beauty that the show And its characters are. Lol

merij1
merij1
3 years ago
Reply to  merij1

I agree.

Furthermore, one gets the impression he has always been a sad sack or on the verge of becoming one. It’s a tendency he’s failed to overcome.

seankfletcher
3 years ago
Reply to  beez

The most beautiful thing about this show is it lets them be who they are in an honest way. The layers then get stripped away and both come to realise there is a decent person underneath it all. In this way, it’s a little bit like Lost in Translation.

beez
3 years ago
Reply to  seankfletcher

@Sean – I absolutely HATED that movie!

seankfletcher
3 years ago
Reply to  beez

Lol Beez, I absolutely loved it 🤣😂

beez
3 years ago
Reply to  seankfletcher

So we’ll see if My Mister leaves me loving or hating it. I do know that if it fails in the latter category, it’ll only be because of the stark realism. You know my love of Kdrama is the escape it usually provides.

seankfletcher
3 years ago
Reply to  beez

If you get to the end, you might just go “oh, wow, escapism intact.” But, then again, relying on me to vouch for a Kdrama is a two way bet 😎

merij1
merij1
3 years ago
Reply to  seankfletcher

Ha. Just few days ago I’d said I’d put off watching MM because it looked like it would be a 20-hour version of Lost In Translation. (Which I liked, but 20-hours?!)

It’s not. Although they do start in a similar place.

Beez, you’ll be good with this. As long as you weren’t using an OTP lens to view it. These two are soulmates, not lovers.

beez
3 years ago
Reply to  merij1

Yes, thanks. I gathered that from everyone. If they had been an OTP🤢 I never would’ve started it no matter how good it’s rep is.

merij1
merij1
3 years ago

Wow. We just finished this one. Normally I have a lot to say, but this show is so over the top great I honestly don’t feel worthy to comment.

So I will say only this: We didn’t watch it sooner because it looked depressing. So if you’re reading these comments to decide whether to give it a shot, take my wife’s and my word that it will be one of the most profoundly uplifting shows you’ve ever seen.

The difference is that where protagonists in similar stories hit rock bottom midway through the show’s run, these characters start out half-dead, but almost immediately begin to climb back to the living in response to one another’s influence. And it just gets better and better.

I’m in awe. Thank you to everyone who encouraged us to give it a shot!

seankfletcher
3 years ago
Reply to  merij1

I’m so glad both you and your wife found this show such a wonder, Merij. It is a classic in anyone’s language 😉

merij1
merij1
3 years ago
Reply to  seankfletcher

I’d watch it again just to see Ji An/IU’s deaf grandmother’s luminous smile. She reminds me so much of my own mother it makes my heart ache.

merij1
merij1
3 years ago
Reply to  kfangurl

It was a great call. So thank you!

momaw
3 years ago

The day after this show finished and I realised there was no more, I felt like Ji An after she deleted the listening app – lost and not sure what to do with the hole now left in my life.

kfangurl
3 years ago
Reply to  momaw

That’s such a perfect analogy, momaw! Some dramas ruin us for other dramas for a while, and My Mister is certainly worthy. Perhaps try something light and fluffy for a change? 🙂

Prashil Prakash
Prashil Prakash
3 years ago
Reply to  momaw

That’s exactly how I felt too.
Painful, but every moment spent was worth it.

noel
noel
3 years ago

Great review tks .

kfangurl
3 years ago
Reply to  noel

Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it! 🙂

Prashil Prakash
Prashil Prakash
3 years ago

Hi,
I really like your thoughts on this show (and also other shows)
In short id say:
“”
Honestly I don’t think there’s a show better than this.
It’s so real and moving. It’s not designed in a way that there is a lot of tension and suspense or tragedy. Yet tragedy and suspense are deeply rooted in the show and it dismantles it slowly, piece by piece.
You get invested in characters. You constantly want to just give them a hug. You sometimes want them to just cry, cuz it’s okay to cry.
“”

But I hope to add one point about the show which was the message that “everyone is capable of being loved” (everyone is redeemable)
The Loan sharks son who beats her up quite brutally and even though his actions seem like you could justify as she killed his father, it still doesn’t make it okay for him to beat her up and I think that’s where the show shines.
It’s NOT “he beats her up, but he’s a good guy, he has a reason for being like this”
Its actually “He IS a bad guy, but he always Wasn’t”
And even he’s capable of being redeemed (you can’t imagine the roller coaster it was for me to absolutely hate this guy to be finally rooting for him)

And the same goes for Dong hoons wife.
She was in a loveless marriage and was basically a bad guy. But even she knows it she can’t blame dong hoon for the failed marriage alone (I think she mentions it in episode 16 to Ji an)

Even she is capable of being redeemed
The show doesn’t say “everyone will be redeemed” but rather “everyone CAN be.” (They’re capable of it)
Was she wrong in cheating? Yes.
Did she have a reason? Yes but she herself wasn’t convinced with the reason.
Was she being manipulated but the CEO? Yes.

And finally did she redeem herself. I think Yes.
And the comparison with Yoon hee and Sang Hoons wife is there to actually show the contrast between them as to how easily she(Sang Hoons wife) could cleanly divorce Sang hoon and still be a part of the family.
And not being able to do that even when Yoon hee should (as she’s supposed to be the better one right) just pile up on the guilt.

And ultimately that’s how she even turned the character around. Because of her guilt. Her guilt of being the bad person (even though she had her reasons)
The point on She shouldn’t have married him in the first place in my opinion isn’t really right because you can’t know what’s gonna happen in the future.
Or divorced him early on, cuz that IS the point, her regret of not doing so. And who knows maybe they did a decent marriage in the beginning (they have been married for quite a while, they have a kid too)
But maybe she’s not happy anymore , Dong hoon isn’t happy either but he just won’t (can’t) do anything about it or is oblivious to it, also he doesn’t want to change the status quo even being in a loveless marriage (shown when he asks the CEO to not tell Yoon hee about him knowing about the affair, meaning he could continue being oblivious to just continue being in the marriage)

(Sorry for rambling so much, I really liked her as a character I could empathize with her)

I really wanna say Thanks to you for saying that Ki-Hoon and Yoo-Ra was an open ending. Cuz it just felt like cheating if they broke up. The fault in their relationship was introduced in the last episode which seems more like a character development device rather than to break them off.
Honestly it really affected me badly thinking they broke off and felt like the writer thought he had to break off the second leads heart as its a trope.
(They should have added a scene of him maybe calling her after starting to write the scenes in the notepad. It would still be an open ending but a hopeful one)

About the show’s ending I’d say it’s perfect.
And Ji-an and dong hoons relationship wasn’t romantic, It was much more than that and more pure than romance, it was an acceptance and understading they shared and mainly just Comfort in each other.
And making it romantic would have simply been cheating. As it would be just a fan service (dis-service IMO)

I wouldn’t want a second season to this as its perfect as it is. (You don’t want a sequal to fight club or Shawshank redemption right? Same)

Honestly I can’t describe how much this show has affected me. I don’t cry. I just don’t. At Max I can get a lil sad.
But I cried when this show ended.
This show took something from me.

Thanks for your amazing review. It was pretty much on point!

beez
3 years ago

@Prashil Prakesh – “‘The show doesn’t say “everyone will be redeemed” but rather “everyone CAN be.'” quoting PP
👏👏 👏👏👏 👏👏👏 👏👏👏 👏

Prashil Prakash
Prashil Prakash
2 years ago
Reply to  beez

@beez This was my first comment on kfangurls page and this show had opened a gate in me that I didn’t know existed. Lol
Came back here after a while and to check back on my ramblings on the show.
And What I found was an even better surprise.

Thanks beez! 😊

Akhnaten
Akhnaten
3 years ago

You are my guide to all things related to Korean drama. And I love your detailed reviews. My basis for watching a drama is simple – I refer to your index, go through the list, and opt for the ones with a grading of B+ and above. Then I”’ briefly read the first para to see if it’s something up my sleeve. And once I’m done with watching all 16 episodes, normally across two days, I come back and read your review in full. I love that. Heck, let me say it, your reviews are the gold standard that I go with when I watch any Kdrama. Salut, I say, and be safe and be well.

Cla
Cla
3 years ago

Wow! What a wonderful review of a wonderful show – My Mister. Agree with everything you say but could never in a million years have expressed it so comprehensively and so well. Everything about this drama was worth watching. Thankyou and Congrats to all .

kfangurl
3 years ago
Reply to  Cla

Hi Cla, thanks for enjoying the review! <3 My Mister truly is a wonderful show, and I'm pleased to know that we think and feel similarly about it! 😀