Dear kfangurl: My ship has sunk. How does a fangirl cope?

Shipwrecked. Oh dear.

Today’s question is brought to us by Jo (the very same Jo who helped to spark off the Dear kfangurl series, no less!), who asks:

Dear kfangurl,

My ship has sunk (will not name which though I think it’s fairly obvious which one it is since all of k-drama news mentions it at least daily). I was able to get out of it in time – not abandoning ship per se (yes, pun very much intended), but rather, RL took over and I had little time to squee on the forums.

It was my very first ship and I would daresay, my very last. When I was at the height of shipping I was swept up in the highs and lows of it, analyzing outfits and accessories, stalking social media, hanging on to every word said in interviews, the works. I fiercely believed in the possibility of them. Even wrote a fanfic (yes, that bad). But thank goodness work picked up and other real life duties kicked in that, by the time one of them was confirmed to be dating, I had about 2-3 days to accept it.

So why write? It is sad to see my fellow forum buddies be so forlorn. They do accept the reality of it all, and it doesn’t help that once in a while someone would troll and make fun of their pain (quite frankly, the way I deal with my own residual feelings is that I avoid all pics and articles about the guy. The less I know, the better).

How do you think I can help my fellow shippers during this time? And do I continue and finish my own fanfic of the couple? (I don’t have the will to do so but people have been asking for it) I know some of them still want to read the old ship’s fanfics but, I fear that I might just fan the flames of a misguided hope.

Thank you as always!


Hm.. Let’s think about this.

Dear Jo,

I’m sorry to hear that your ship sank.

I hafta admit that the closest I’ve ever come to experiencing that, is when I hoped that So Ji Sub and Gong Hyo Jin would really start dating, after I read mywebfoot’s That Far Gone (review here!), which was inspired by the Master’s Sun co-stars’ excellent chemistry on- and off-screen.

Even though I didn’t stalk forums to get news of them, I did feel just a touch disappointed when I read that Gong Hyo Jin had started dating Lee Jin Wook (the couple has since broken up).

Given that I felt a twinge of disappointment despite my admittedly very cursory interest in this ship, I can only imagine how serious shippers must feel when their ships don’t work out.

Breaking it down, I realize that there are several angles from which we should consider your situation.

1. Ignore the trolls

The first thing I’d like to say, is to ignore the trolls, and encourage your fellow shipping friends to do the same.

Even though we see it a lot less in the k-blogosphere compared to the rest of the interwebs at large, there are a lot of nasty netizens out there, and it’s just not worth engaging with them. They get a weird kick out of upsetting people, so the best thing to do would be to disappoint them by not getting mad.

Remember, don’t feed the trolls!

2. Get some perspective

The next thing that I figure would be helpful, is to remember all over again, what you guys probably knew from the very beginning, when you boarded your ship. That the hope you entertained was simply that – a hope. And none of us have any real influence whatsoever, over who dates whom, in k-ent.

As it is in Real Life, people will date whom they want to date, even if the people around them feel that they would be much more suited to someone else.

Y’know, I once tried to introduce one of my guy friends to one of my girl friends, coz I thought they would make a super cute couple. After several failed attempts, I succeeded in creating a situation where I could introduce them and send them away to have coffee together while they waited for me to finish what I was doing. I waited for sparks to fly between them, but, nothing. Nada. Zilch. I was disappointed, sure, but really, who was I to say that they’d have a great relationship together? Eventually I lost contact with the girl, who was more of an acquaintance, but my guy friend did end up meeting and marrying a very nice girl, and they’re now proud parents of a little boy.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, you don’t have to stop shipping celebs, if shipping them makes you happy. It’s just, to keep a sense of balance about it, and to prepare for potential shipwrecks, I find that keeping this perspective helps:

3. The Fanfic

As for your fanfic, I feel your dilemma. On the one hand, you don’t want to disappoint your fellow shippers, and on the other hand, you don’t want to mislead them, and you want to move on, too.

At the same time, putting this in context, your fanfic has been published chapter by chapter, and therefore, there are readers who have been paused mid-story, by this circumstance.

As a drama fan and story-lover, I can empathize with how frustrating that must feel, to commit to following a story, only to have that story abruptly put on hold. How drama fans feel, when a show is unceremoniously cut due to low ratings, must be rather similar to how some of your readers feel.

My suggestion is to think of a way forward that would give your readers closure, while allowing you to stay true to yourself.

Maybe, instead of finishing the fanfic, you could write an open letter to your readers, to explain why you won’t be finishing the fanfic, and give them the broad-stroke synopsis of the rest of your story instead? That way, you are giving them closure without forcing yourself to stay on a ship that you’re ready to leave? That’s my thought, anyway.

If you can find another way to give your readers closure while remaining true to yourself, by all means go ahead. 🙂


When all is said and done, I hope this experience won’t dampen your fangirl enjoyment in the k-world. Yes, sometimes there may be disappointments along the way, as you experienced this time. But with some good perspective and common sense, I do believe that fangirling can be harmless fun.

In short:

I hope that helps!

Love! ❤



1. Dya have thoughts or advice for Jo? Share with us in the comments!

2. Do you have a question of your own? Drop me a comment here or on the Dear kfangurl page, or send me an email!

20 thoughts on “Dear kfangurl: My ship has sunk. How does a fangirl cope?

  1. crazyunnijo

    Thank you everyone for your wonderful comments. I shipped hard for a while but I am thankful that one of them is confirmed to be dating someone. It’s sad but it kinda set me free. No longer was I caught up in the cycle of “are they or aren’t they?”

    I probably won’t ship as hard as I did before. I’ll get my squees on, sure. But not to that cray-cray levels of my former ship.

    Finally, this made me realize that I was more of a PSH fan than I ever was of LMH. (especially now that I’ve been exposed to the likes of Gong Yoo, Kim Woo Bin, Ji Chang Wook, and Yoo Ah In! siiiggggh)

    I just want to see my girl happy and in love.

    Have a great rest of your week, everyone!

    PS. I am in the mood to create a new FF. And I am hoping this’ll inspire me enough to finish the other one.

  2. snow

    I don’t know why but this post is not visible on my timeline of WP.
    I think Jo is talking about LMH and PSH…even I was a mad shipper of the couple during Heirs days after seeing their BTS pics but as time passes that shipping feeling just went away. Hence, LMH’S fresh dating news didn’t do anything for me…

    I had totally forgotten about GHJ dating LJW…HAHA…

      1. kfangurl

        Thanks for letting me know about the post not showing up on WP’s reader, snow! I couldn’t see it either, and reached out to WP for help. That chatbox actually worked, for once! Apparently it was a system glitch, which has now been fixed. 🙂

        You’re right.. Jo’s said that her ship was LMH and PSH, so you know exactly what she’s talking about! Well, except for the part that by the time LMH’s dating news came out, you’d already long left the ship! XD And yes, GHJ and LJW didn’t last all that long.. you wouldn’t have missed a thing, even if you never knew that they’d ever dated! XD

        1. snow

          Oh. I thought I was the only one who was not seeing the update.. 😉
          OMG! That WP help actually works…lol..great that now the problem is fixed.
          And I loved all your suggestions to cope up with situation when our ships have sunk…maybe it will come in handy later at some point…
          I also shipped GHJ with SJS and felt sad on her dating news but I can’t belive how fast I got over it….It’s all about knowing the difference between reel and real…at the end of the day, how much ever a scene is romantic, the actors don’t feel the same as they surrounded by SO MANY people and everything comes with so many cuts and retakes and orders by PDs. They don’t come into that feel as we, viewers do, what with everything edited, presented as a story and not to mention, the effect of music… 🙂

          1. crazyunnijo

            I first watch GHJ in It’s Okay, It’s Love. I LUUURVED her with JIS. I kinda ship them a bit. ESPECIALLY when they ended both of their relationships with their respective partners. Hahahaha! A girl can hope. 😉

            Glad to know I wasn’t alone in shipping LMH and PSH because of the Heirs (good god, but didja see that kissing scene?!?!). Hehehe

            1. snow

              Actually I was shipping them too even though I haven’t seen the drama…haha..and the timing was too coincidental…both broke up almost at the same time!

              Woah….that kissing scene….never saw PSH so much into a kiss before that closet one…haha

            2. evez

              Jo, actually watching Heirs made me ship Park Shin Hye to Kim Woo Bin more of LMH, hahaha😀. Is it sonething weird? That in this drama, it’s just me shipping the heroine to second lead? Given that i love LMH but in the drama Heirs i came to realize that I like Kim Woo Bin more over Lee Min Ho. Heirs isn’t a good drama, great thing is it has full of good looking castings!😍 And i should say that it has fullfilled its goal to serve all fangirls in terms of eye candies!😃 ….Jo, i think Park Shin Hye as a good partner to Lee Jong Suk? I didn’t watch Pinochio but with all the teasers, still photos and cfs i have seen of them i love to ship them together. They gorgeous together don’t you think?

              1. crazyunnijo

                OMO evez! I just sent a pic to kfangurl the other day. It was of LJS and PSH at the Chanel show. Their looks matched too! To be honest, I’m swinging between that pairing and her with Jung Yong Hwa.

                Allow me to go crazy a bit. S’been a long week and I need to get some squees in.

                First off, yes, Heirs was my intro to k-dramas. Yes, it wasn’t the greatest but they did have a lot of good looking characters! And yes, I love me some KWB. And yes, I would love to see a KWB and PSH pairing.

                When she appeared in JYH’s reality show, I was floored. Oh the feels. hahahahahaha. I’m nuts.

                Then I saw her editorial in In Style with LJS. Hawt. 😛

                Honestly though, at the end of the day, I just want to see her happy and in love. Doesn’t matter who she ends up with. And can I just say that I am so excited to see that happen!

                Take care and thanks for commenting!

          2. kfangurl

            Haha, YES that WP help box actually works! But, to be honest, that was the first time I was ever successful at getting help through it. The WP guy said that the reason the box kept disappearing when I’d clicked on it previously, is coz there were not enough available staff. Apparently when there aren’t enough staff to respond, the box will disappear. So, if you need help, definitely try clicking on it. Getting help in real time is pretty cool 🙂

            And, what an excellent point you make, about the difference in feels between us and the actors on our screen. We get the benefit of everything being edited, and usually with a suitably romantic OST playing in the background; they get lots of camera crew around them, and retakes and orders by the PDs. It’s no wonder the shippers are so many, and the actual ships setting sail, so few! XD

  3. Lady G.

    I wouldn’t say any ships have truly sailed until there’s actual wedding bells! I’m not a Real life shipper. I’m a drama lead shipper though. Meaning, I love to pair up actors for dramas. But not necessarily in real life. Since i don’t follow their lives – I barely watch interviews or behind the scenes or things like that, I have no idea who’d make a good match. You never know, a couple may have sizzling chemistry onscreen, but once the cameras stop rolling they hate each other’s guts. lol.

    Great advice, KFG. And i like your suggestions for finishing the fanfic. That would be the approach I’d take.

    1. kfangurl

      There are nice number of married celeb couples, and the one topmost on my mind as I type this, is Ji Sung and Lee Bo Young. They are super cute together, and it’s so amusing to remember that they first met on the set of Save Your Last Dance, where Lee Bo Young played clingy second female lead to Ji Sung’s suave male lead. Onscreen, she clung to him, but in Real Life, he was the one who was courting her relentlessly! XD CUTENESS <3

      Also, YAY that you agree with my suggestion on how to give the fanfic some closure.. I imagine it'd be really hard to get into the headspace to finish a fanfic for a ship that’s sunk 😛 This was the one way that I could think of, to spare Jo that agony, while still giving her readers closure. ^^

  4. evez

    I am sorry i can’t help guessing who’s Jo referring to. Can i guess?is it Lee Min Ho and Park Shin Hye? Lately, feeds from fb and other sns account are busy releasing news with Lee Min Ho’s dating updates with Bae Suzy….Honestly, i get so tired of it and while i love LMH, i am not a fan of his current girl tho. The LMH-PSH tandem is not so attractive to me either(sorry to all LMH-PSH shippers) but i am just being honest. I still love to ship Lee Min Ho to Park Min Young. But sad to say they’re relationship is finished and what i am hoping for is to see them through a comeback drama together.

    My first very first ship couple is Gong Yoo and Yoon Eun Hye of Coffee Prince drama. I am so in love with the drama as i am to Gong Yoo and during those days i spent my time watching CP, a query lingers in my mind if the leads somehow are attracted to each other?or would they end up as a couple after the drama wraps up? There have been articles and interviews on both leads and Yoon Eun Hye is very bold to say that Gong Yoo is the closest man of his dreams among the actors she has paired with. Gong Yoo who is very reclusive with his private life just keep his cool and gives his thought in a gentleman manner.

    So as a fangirl, i gave up the idea that somehow Gong Yoo and Yoon Eun Hye will end up as a RL couple. I condition my mind that they are actors and they simply interact and have sweet moments infront of the camera and do their works accordingly. What are they in a drama cannot be applied off the camera.

    As a fangirl your mind must be aware and open for things that gives us enjoyment and. down moments that sparks our daily routines whether or not good or bad. For me a healthy mindset of a fangirl is not to be absorbed with too much negative and overwhelming writings on the netz. Actors are here to entertain and give their best as part of their fanservice. And we are here to support, show our love and give our best squeee as we can!😍😘😉

    1. crazyunnijo

      evez, (cue fantastic game show winner sound effects) you got it! hahahah yes. I was a fan of PSH before I shipped them. Now that my ship has sunk, I have found that I’ve no interest in learning more about LMH. He was “interesting” to me by association haha! i think I fell in love with the ship more when I binged on fanfics.

      I first encountered PMY in Healer. I have not seen City Hunter. Who knows if I’d ship them if I watched that first? heirs/inheritors was (snicker) my gateway into k-dramas.

      Now, I’m loving YEH. (What can I say, I’m late to to the CP party. But loving every minute of it!) I recently watched Goong from kfangurl’s recommendation and I cannot get enough of it. (I pretty much burned my replay button on that series. I dunno, it’s crack to me–minus the political scenes.)

      Going back to the PSH bit, well, honestly I wish someday she’ll find someone. It’ll be interesting too, in general, who these people end up with. As long as they’re happy!


      1. kfangurl

        Y’know, a year ago, I would’ve totally recommended you watch City Hunter, since that’s my favorite role of LMH’s so far, and I found him suitably kickass and cool in the role. But now that you’ve seen Healer, I’m gonna say that City Hunter would quite likely pale in comparison, especially since you had Big Love for Healer! XD

        Also, it sounds like you’re well recovered from your sunk ship, so that’s great! 🙂

    2. kfangurl

      Aw, what a sweet conclusion you’ve drawn, Evez! <3 Indeed, as fans, it's to our best enjoyment, to support our Oppas with love and squee, rather than overthink things or obsess over all the various "clues" that netizens seem so capable of digging up. It's harmless to keep tabs on those things, as long as it doesn't seep into us and drag us down. After all, we all ought to be here for the Happy, right? 😉

      Smooches to ya, my dear.. It's so nice to see you around here, even though I know you don't often have a chance to come online! <3

      1. evez

        Aw!thanks Kfg!smooches back to you😘😉. Once in a while i am able to pull through with the accessability of the netz. Luckily, i can express my thoughts even i am using mobile. Most of the time i am working outside and during the break i can read some feeds from fb. Though It’s a different thing on big screen than than this five inches gadget.😀 so when i type here i committed ungrammatical phrases! I will only realize that once i review my comments😄 and i am sorry for that. You see? Submitting comments from mobile is tedious! Hahahaha! Plus the fact that when i am outside my mind is preoccupied of many things! Y’know the feeling of having like a traffic controller inside your mind? I need to be alert and taking care my personal things while being overwhelmed with my readings here. I have been absent from this page lately and whenever there is chance i’ll absolutely make the most out of it!😉❤💋

        1. kfangurl

          Aw, you are so sweet, Evez, to check in on the blog even when you’re on the go and don’t have access to a computer! Don’t worry about grammatical errors and such.. I know it’s challenging to type on a phone – autocorrect often annoys me, when I’m trying to type on my phone! – so don’t feel bad! I’m just happy to see you pop up on the blog, when you are able. It’s always lovely to have you here <3

  5. 1sunnylady

    i ship real-life married couples and i just hope they won’t divorce 😡 my first two ships were sean/jung hye young, tiger jk/yoon mirae and since “healer”, i added yoo ji tae/kim hyo jin to the list. I love me some yoo ji tae I find him so nerdly cute… like so adorable.

    It’s funny b/c i was just thinking about Kwon’s question on the SLS, and I replied that the prolem is that 9 times out of 10, SL>>>> LG, objectively speaking, so the lead girl choosing lead guy in the end never gives me hope to see my ship sail and be happy. i know from the get-go that i will be unsatisfied, and that’s when i turn to fanfictions…. But then again, it’s knowing that it would nevercome true. Speaking of “Healer”, it must one of the rare times in nearly 10 years of drama watching that i was rooting for the main couple. However, my ship on this show was a complete different one that was unlikely to happen… so i wrote about it;ust to get out of my system. * giggle * i swear i can just never get on the easy ship, i always go for the weird ship that has no reason to happen.

    anyway, i think u gave solid advice. Especially number 2. and i hope jo will stay strong.

    PS: i’m going to read the other dear kfangurl, that looks fun!

    1. kfangurl

      Aw, shipping RL married couples is sweet, I think. Like, instead of hoping for an alternative reality, you’re actually enjoying and supporting their current reality and rooting for them to stay together and have a happy family life as a couple. That’s cool! And, it is unlikely to disappoint, unless the couple decides to split up. Essentially, though, I find your approach to these RL couples very supportive. Love it! <3

      And lol at you always shipping the unlikely screen couples, so much so that you'd turn to fanfics for relief! That's so opposite of your approach to RL couples that I find it quite amusing. XD But yes, I luffed the OTP in Healer too, so I'm totally with you on that one! (I still need to write my Healer review; I've put it off for wayyy too long! 😛 )

      Thanks for checking out the rest of the Dear kfangurl posts – you are too sweet! <3


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